Essay from Int'l Student!!! Need lots of help!!!

Tsenguun
Tue, 28 Aug 2007 23:24:38 +0000

Here’s my essay written in 25 mins, so it is kinda short, I know. The prompt is from Blue book’s Practice Test 1.

What motivates people to change?

There is an old saying in my country that copper becomes gold when placed near it. So what I mean by it is people get motivated by its surroundings. Let’s have some examples on this issue.
People change because of their outside effects. I myself really like basketball and keep participating in almost every competitions held nearby. But unfortunately I never achieved in any of them. At last I always ended up losing my first game and disappointing my teammates. ThenI just stared at the others and was amazed by their great plays, wanting to be as good as them. Yeah, this is what really made me change. I started running up in the morning and going to gym as often as I can. And life shoed me that one gets what one deserves if made an effort. This is how I got motivated to change.
Again let me tell you another example of how I was made to change. Everyone at school was studying hard on senior year except me, since it was the last year for us. Then because I was spending most of my time on basketball, I hardly studied. While everyone was studying during lunch time, I was chasing some food. Whereas everyone was taking good grades on exams, only I did bad. I was then kind of jealous. Why? I asked myself so many why’s.Why can’t I do this? Why am I different? And my lst why quiestion was why can’t I just be same with them? This outside effect motivated me to change. Then I started making an effort both on basketball and on my studes.
People always change from the outside. if you were all alone, would you want to change? Who would you want to be same as when you are all alone? My instances should give you an adequate idea on this issue that people do change from the outside, not from within.