Excessive Parent Involvement = Chronic Child Dependency (CDD)

foxdie
Wed, 24 Jan 2007 19:39:45 +0000

Uh, what does Jesus have to do with it?

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atomom

Please no dull humor.



Hello. It’s a college discussion board for, um, parents. So you’ll really have to forgive those of us who are parents for discussing exactly what the board exists to discuss.

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frazzled

Yes, hello. Thank for commenting but my question doesn’t concern parental discussion. But instead excessive involvement



I think you’re talking about the exception and not the rule regarding parental involvement.

This is a Parents forum. And most of us here are parents. I like “chatting” with others who are in the same place in life that I am. I actually lurk more than I contribute because there are a lot of smart people out there that I can learn from.

Take away what is valuable to you; discard the rest. And don’t read what you consider to be tripe.

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ColoradoMomof2

Colorado Mom, please there’s no need to get defensive. I realize this is the parents forum (thats why I posted this here). I anticipated many disgruntled and defensive parents, but in this case you may heed your own advice. My questions pertain to excessive parental involvement, not discussion amongst parents



There are 3+ million HS seniors every year and a few thousand of their parents, including me, reading and posting on CC. I wish there were far more parents involved on CC. Your statement about parents applies equally to guidance counselors. Don’t they do a considerable amount on behalf of their kids (students)?

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standrews

I agree. But again, the question is not parental involvement, but excessive involvement, as described above.



I dunno, I’ve certainly encountered a lot of people that would be at a total loss as to how to conduct their everyday lives if their parents suddenly died, or something. People who are adults, technically, and think it’s funny that they have absolutely no idea how to cook, people who cart their laundry home every week because they don’t know how to operate a washing machine (and apparently, can’t figure it out just by looking at it). Of course, my parents weren’t much involved in my college decisions because they weren’t aware that they were expected to be.

I used to have a friend who goes to her school because her mother wanted her to go to school close to home and her dad wanted her to go to a prestigious school, so she stuck with the nearest prestigious school. If they call her and say, hey you haven’t been home in a few weeks, she drops everything and goes home. If she doesn’t go home, they go and visit her. If you ask her why she picked her major, she says, “my parents wanted me to be a ___”. If you ask her if she likes it, she says yeah I guess it’s ok. If you ask her what she wants to do, it’s always “well, my parents want…” Plans to go on living in the dorms, even in grad school, because the low responsibility is the closest thing to having mommy around to do everything for her. She doesn’t have to be bothered with trifles like how much things cost and how much money she has because while she has a work study job, if she runs out of money she can just ask her parents for more. The only time I successfully managed to get out of her what SHE would prefer to do, she wanted to do something like become a starving poet and live in LA with all the wonderful liberal creative people. Lacking a sense of reality, much? Maybe if she was 15 it would be ok, but I don’t think that level of independence-avoidance is healthy when you’re into your 20’s.

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BlahDeBlah

Really exactly my thoughts



We know a family who moved to Cambridge when the son was accepted to Harvard. Son is now in med school doing well, as is the family. He did manage to survive the micromanaging…But then every single one of these kids were exceptionally high achievers and it could not have been purely their parents help (or maybe hinderance) thata made them successful.

…I know a reknown surgeon who needs a guide outside of the hospital. A famous conductor who needs full time practical help. These are prodigies that never grew up in some ways, but I think they are also handicapped in some way too, and it was not their parents overinvolvement that they are the way they are, but their parents overinvolvement ensured that their gifts came to full bloom despite their unawareness issues…Most of us are not lucky enough to be so talented, but there are kids that may need help longer than others and more intensively, to get to a certain achievement level. I don’t know the answer, but I wish I could have micromanaged more with my older ones., even while I wonder if I micromanaged too much. LOL.

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cptofthehouse

Another useful comment and interesting opinion. Basically you’re saying that two students you knew with excessive parental involvement got into medical school, including harvard? Thats an interesting measure of success, but my argument is that talented young adults will succeed without the potentially-handicapping effects of excessive parental involvement. I’m not talking about college or graduate school admissions. Furthermore I think successful innovation and progress in society cannot be achieved my overly dependent adults.

Also, my questions really only pertain to the talented/exceptional kids usually discussed on such forums. I agree with you that children with handicaps or weaknesses need extra support.

A few vague criticisms and dull quipps but also many interesting comments like those from cpthouse. Thanks for the replies.