Extracurricular Activity (commonapp)

<p>The grass under my feet, the light fall breeze, the droplets of sweat falling from my face, the passion, the relief, the adventure, and the love are all the things I feel when I step onto the field of redemption and magic, the soccer field. I sprint towards the ball focused not to let the other player beat me. Suddenly, everything inside of me is revealed to all of the people watching. All my stress is gone, and my muddy duct taped cleats go faster than ever before. The passion of eleven people create an art, an emotion, an unforgetabble feeling that combines happiness, love, hard work, and hard play. Ever since I was five, I've shared inspiring, edge-of-the-seat moments, with teammates who I learned to trust. I slap hands and await my next chance to play.</p>

<p>what do you think? first draft</p>

<p>Sounds like you're a very good writer and you like soccer and the team spirit and competition of it. If you want to major in engineering they might think it is over the top.</p>