Extremely Low Writing Scores: Essay Critique Required

TheBiscuitBinow
Sun, 06 Dec 2015 04:34:56 +0000

Hello guys, thanks for checking this post out. If ya’ll got time and all I’d would appreciate anyone breaking down my essay and inform me what i’ve done good and bad. I know this essay is complete gibberish but i really want to figure what i need to work on.

Essay Prompt:

[Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame or power? ]

Conscience is being able to tell what’s right and wrong. When a person’s actions doesn’t align with his peers, that person is acting on his own conscience. Although sometimes it could lead people to rebellion; often times it drives people and motivates them.

In 2013 there was a report of a man of being injured by a grenade. This man’s name was James Lin. The grenade he was injured by was one that was thrown at his squad, his friends and comrades. In order to protect his fellow comrades he jumped toward the grenade head on, absorbing the explosion. Although he was lauded by his friends and the public, it wasn’t that that drove him to do such a thing. It was his conscience, he held his friend’s lives above his. Despite being seriously injured and disorientated, when asked by the press if he would do it again, he replied “yes”. Cases like such are rare because humans are generally selfish. However one well known individual wasn’t. He’s called martin Luther king

In the 1900’s discrimination was at large, one man stood before all as an activist and a non-violent leader, he is called
martin Luther king. Despite the police and racists using both physical and verbal coercions martin Luther king did not back down from his view. Although he believe that racial segregation was wrong he also believe non-violent protest was many times better than violent protest. Violence cannot be fought with violence, but with peace. Martin Luther king followed that rule and continue to raise awareness even at times he was threaten by the public. Due to Luther king being a non-violent activist he was underfire from everyone who opposed hmm. Some had his home burned. Other had threaten his family. but he never relented his views and eventually was killed following his own beliefs, his own conscience.

conscience is an extremely motivational catalyst. It can help people during times of pain and hardship. Having a conscience is all about following your beliefs and being firm with those beliefs.

[Problems I have] When writing the essay my mind generally goes blank, i don’t have any evidence stored in the back of my brain and i generally just make up events that never happen or events i remember vaguely. I find that starting the essay and thinking of evidence was the hardest.
background [sat: 1200 idk why i’m still trying]