Failing to launch, or just sputtering

anitaw
Sat, 05 Aug 2006 21:40:19 +0000

This summer I visited with friends I hadn’t seen in 18 or so years. Their children are a bit older than mine- 2 have graduated from an ‘elite’ university, the 3rd is a junior this year. The parents are both physicians and the father has an academic affiliation- they both graduated from the same ‘elite’ for college and med school and the father of one of the parents teaches a ‘hard science’ at that elite. Just the basic outline of an academically oriented and mostly technically oriented family.

Our brunch discussion, naturally, took a turn towards the lives of our children- pretty much what we were discussing 18 years ago! They were discussing the phenomena worriesome to them and their peers of very talented kids who in the post college years (undergrad completed) seem less purposeful and goal directed than they might be. Among their friends they note that MANY have children who are not on career paths (male and female both), particularly those who have liberal arts credentials. In many cases parental support is still being provided.

Since I had a clear cut career track as did my husband (again, in technical fields) I too ‘observe’ this issue related to my 2 eldest who are pursuing liberal arts. As the eldest has finished half his undergraduate years I found myself talking with him this summer about getting a HS teaching credential as a reasonable ‘safety net’ given his own positive experiences in this sense.

I wonder, though, about the paths that kids expect to have, that parents expect them to have-- and how truly tolerant and accepting of ‘alternatives’ we all are. When the path is not crystal clear, what is reasonable to hope for or expect from a 22 year old? The son of a dear friend took a job out of college which so ill suited him he began having panic attacks (having graduated with highest honors from a most elite LAC)-- and it occurred to me that his college summers had not been spent in ‘possible career related endeavors’. Hence, I have encouraged my older 2 to look at summer as a ‘try it out’ time.

Beyond this, and hoping for a stimulating undergraduate experience, can someone enlighten me as to experiences in the real world that have helped make the launching phase a productive and reinforcing one for kids who really could do whatever they want!!