Failing to launch, or just sputtering

Northstarmom
Mon, 07 Aug 2006 10:09:13 +0000

“When the path is not crystal clear, what is reasonable to hope for or expect from a 22 year old? The son of a dear friend took a job out of college which so ill suited him he began having panic attacks (having graduated with highest honors from a most elite LAC)-- and it occurred to me that his college summers had not been spent in ‘possible career related endeavors’. Hence, I have encouraged my older 2 to look at summer as a ‘try it out’ time.”

Reasonable to expect that a 22-year-old who has graduated from college wil be supporting themselves without parental assistance. This may mean working 60 hour weeks or sharing an apartment in a low rent area.

I also expect college students to spend their summers working or doing something like research or volunteer work that’s directly related to gaining skills for the job market or skills to get into graduate school. I don’t understand why so many parents now seem to think that since college is “hard” students should spend their summers relaxing.

I doubt that most parents did that during their summers in college. I spent mine working, and also worked during the school year. I didn’t feel that I was being hurt by working. I felt proud and independent. In those old days, having internships, etc. wasn’t essential in order to get a decent job after graduation. Now, however, most companies won’t hire graduating seniors for decent jobs unless the students have done internships.

I think that somehow some parents think that students should automatically graduate from college to a lifestyle similar to how they were raised. My thoughts are that one earns that lifestyle, parents shouldn’t give it to their offspring by subsidizing their expenses, etc.

For the record, one of my sons is 22 and a drop out from college who’s working temporary jobs and living on the other side of the country. The only thing that my husband and I provide for him is health insurance. S’s living a marginal lifestyle, which is his own choice, results from his decisions, and we’re not going to subsidize him and thus give him a distorted sense of the type of life he has earned for himself.

My other s is 18 and taking a gap year working for Americorps in our home town . By his choice (after noticing the limited apartment choices on his income), he is living at home and paying us rent because husband and I want S to have a realistic view of his limited options without a college degree. While we are happy that he is volunteering with Americorps, we still want him to have a gut level understanding of the limitations of earning $800 a month.

When he goes to college, if he is still living at home, we would not expect him to pay rent since he’d be using his earnings to help pay for college.