Father-daughter relationship

cheers
Thu, 29 Dec 2005 16:54:15 +0000

First, thank your lucky stars. I would love to be a mother to a girl! Wah!! Living in a fraternity!

Second, some dos and don’ts from a girl who became an architect:


Tell her she can do anything–and back it up with your actions. Don’t let her brothers do all the ‘responsible’ jobs. My father told me I could do anything. I actually believed he was a feminist until 1977 when I organized a massive cousin reunion and he wouldn’t ‘let’ me drive the cousins to the event, God love him. He made my younger brother drive. It was a good lesson though. It lowered my expectations to a more realistic level.
Show up for her sporting events and holler at her in the same way you holler at the boys. Don’t pander. Give her a realistic picture.
Society has a way of teaching girls to be compliant: sit in the front row, don’t make a fuss, be the teacher’s pet, be a good girl, shopping is your nirvana. I was never that girl and my non-compliance–all those hours I spent out in the hall in primary and secondary school (some teachers eventually moved my desk out to the hall too), all those groundings and punsihments at home–worked to my favour when I decided to practice a high conflict profession, open my own practice in Manhattan at 28 and maintain that practice in different cities around the globe. Teach your girl that conflict, even high conflict, can be resolved without significant damage. Show her that conflict resolution can be done in good fun.
Let her make her own mistakes but feel free to comment. My father told me that I should not marry the boy I adored in college. He claimed the guy was ‘too attractive’ and had ‘bedroom eyes’. Bet I rolled my eyes at the time. Good thing I half-listened to him. That man has been married five times!!! :eek:
Tell your girl that there are a hundred million ways to be a wonderful woman. There is no one ‘Right’ way. Tell her that she shouldn’t believe anyone who tells her that there is a ‘Wrong’ way to be a certain kind of woman, working woman, stay-at-home woman, whatever woman. Teach her to listen to her heart and talk out the hard choices with you.
Point out gender differences so that when she gets into a hyper-competitive work force, she will ‘get’ the way men play the game.
Teach her how to develop a sense of humour and a sense of optimism. Men go so far with those two qualities.


Have fun!