Feeling guilty....should I feel this way? HELP

blossom
Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:29:23 +0000

Carbon, raising a kid who appreciates what she has is nothing short of miraculous in our consumer-driven society. You are really to be commended.

Do a couple of the financial aid scenario’s using a few different assumptions… that your income this year equals last year, that it goes down moderately or down substantially… plus that your home equity is down (it may well be a lot less than you think right now) etc. just so you have a realistic picture of your EFC. Only you can figure out if you can afford that number or not… but it will give you a starting point.

Then figure out what you can pay from the family budget towards her expenses. She is so lucky to have parents who care about her and her education.

Then have a meeting with your daughter- the message ought to be that you love her and will support her emotionally with every ounce in your being- but that for college, your financial support will be X dollars per year which include living, transportation home, etc. Of course if business picks up you’d be happy to increase the contribution but given medical needs, retirement, etc. your educational budget is X.

Then let her figure some things out. She will not be the first kid in America to work her way through school; she will not be the first kid to have a reality check; she may decide to apply for ROTC, merit only schools out of state, commute from home for a year to save money; go to your state school with a plan to go out of state for grad school, etc.

Your daughter is lucky to have such caring, involved parents who appreciate the help and sacrifices she’s made around the house. In turn, you are lucky to have a kid who respects the families limitations and has worked within them. Appreciating what you have is a better graduation gift than a trip to Europe and a Porsche (and wouldn’t it be great if you could give her those too??? Just kidding!)

Your story is very moving and I wish you all good luck with this journey.