Feeling Unmotivated to Finish Junior Year

4academicvalidation
Fri, 18 Mar 2022 13:51:21 +0000

I’m currently a junior at a very small private school in the south. The workload is very easy and there are only CP and Honors classes. At the beginning of the school year, I attended my state’s governor’s school. I could handle the work, but I was dealing with a lot of unresolved issues with my parents at the time, so my grades tanked. I stayed there for about two months and left at the beginning of the second quarter. My parents then sent me to my district’s public school, which I hated. I begged my parents to let me start online school, but they wouldn’t let me. I was so depressed at the time that I ended up in a psychiatric ward during my Christmas break. Once I came back, I told my parents that I did not want to go to school. My mom was very upset and offered to pay for me to attend the next two quarters at a different private school. I didn’t really want to go, but I knew that my parents would not let me stay in their house without going to school. A couple of weeks ago, an incident occurred at school, which my teacher emailed my parents. I would get dropped off at school and not attend. I only attended school for two days (Monday and Friday). During the meeting, I brought up how I wanted to withdraw, but my family and teachers advised against it. I would receive WPs on my transcript and possible a failing grade for the online Government course that I take online. I just don’t really care anymore. I used to love school and study religiously. Now, I barely even study for major tests. I technically still have all As at my school right now, but I’m not trying my hardest. The situation has even lead my mom to kicking me out there house for a few hours, calling the cops, taking my phone, turning off the WIFI, hiding my depression medicine, taking my bedroom door off the hinge, and bribing me to go to school. I have been going to my therapist and voicing my feelings, but I still feel like I’m in a funk. I had such high hopes for my junior year. I was going to apply to these prestigious programs (RSI, SSP) and starting research in the summer, but due to my poor grades at the time and the stress of life I didn’t even try. I understand how hard it is to get into these programs, but I would never know the outcome because I didn’t apply. I also wanted to participate in Biology olympiad, but I didn’t pay to take the test. I can technically do some of those things my senior year, but my junior year has even lowered my small chance at attending a T20. My whole life has been based on following a strict path to achieve my goals, but I feel as if I already ruined it. My dream is not really attainable anymore and I don’t really know how to process this. I know it sounds silly and I could probably get into any state school due to my GPA and test scores, but I don’t want to stay in state. As a minority, it is really has to deal with a lot of prejudices on a daily basis. I really wish I could do my junior year over.