first essay...just horrific

ipam45
Mon, 27 Aug 2007 15:39:09 +0000

my first sat practice essay this whole summer…i have been mainly concentrating on math and reading. now my weak point is just my writing and it shows in this essay too.

What motivates people to change?

A lot of people are afraid of change, while others embrace it. There are many factors that can influence a person to change, such as love, wealth, liberty and even the pursuit of happiness. But what motivates the people to change the most is the simple desire to improve their lives.
Personally I have made great changes in my life. When I was little I was never a great student. I wasn’t motivated to learn and frankly I didn’t care. Until one day when my principle had to talk to my parents about the fact that I might fail 5th grade. After hearing this, my heart dropped, I know I had to make a change whether I wanted to or not.
Another example is the changes that were made during the Civil Rights Movement. The African Americans felt that they were being prejudged and discriminated against. Leaders of the community took charge and motivated people to change their lives. They held marches, and sit-ins, they used nonviolent ways to get the message across to their oppressor s that they deserve to change their lives for the better. Without having the motivations to change, African American would not have received the treatment that they deserved.
The motivation to change comes in many forms. It can be changes that were made that affects your own life or changes that affect a group of people.

i had to call time before i can finish

overall i gave my self a 4…out of 12

please tell me how i can improve my essay writing skills!!!