Frat question...Don't laugh....

Olymom
Thu, 12 Jan 2012 00:24:36 +0000

No. No gift. He should inquire of friend (or call the house) to ask about the dress code (unless it says on the invite). “Formal” can be defined variously, so he should ask “what do most people wear?”. He definitely should go (if he can make it work with his classes) – because it is a good way to meet and learn about some other people on campus (whether or not he chooses to join). I’d say that for the invite to the Environmental club, the bowling league or the Young Politicians. It is part of the college experience to meet a wide range of people.

DS has been extended a compliment with this invitation. That’s nice!

If he likes the group, then it’s fair enough to ask some questions. Try the general interview approach (as apposed to The Inquisition Model), as in “Tell me about the group. Who are some of the people? What do you like about the group? What sounds fun about them? What impressed you? How active are they?”

You’ll also make more headway if you admit your fears. “I’m a bit terrified because I’ve heard about frat hazing. What have you heard about that?” and “Frats can have a real reputation for alcohol abuse and that really scares me. What are your thoughts there?” This is a great chance to interact adult-to-adult instead of Mom-to-Baby – it all depends on your tone of voice.

Our DS1 joined a frat and became its Commissioner (President). I’ll cheerfully admit to some worried moments – but I also saw him grow in his leadership skills and I know his friends are very dear to him (I also very cheerfully paid $600 for him to take an EMT course so he’d have first aid skills for whatever adventure he undertakes).