Getting depressed and losing motivation in college?

Happi-chan
Thu, 14 Dec 2017 01:25:38 +0000

I don’t know if this is more of a vent post than an asking for help post, but I just really wanted to let out some feelings…
I’m starting to get really depressed in college and losing motivation to study. I’m in freshman year of college, and I feel like this mindset isn’t a good thing for someone who just started college.
I’ve always been stressed out about grades and started getting really sick of the school cycle since the end of senior year. I’m worried about my grades and I want very badly to get a degree and start my own life, which makes me want to work hard. At the same time, I’ve studied nonstop this quarter and some of my grades have turned out badly… it leads me to think sometimes what even the point of studying is if I do badly anyway. All I do is study, and I can barely get out anymore to hang out with the few friends I’ve made or to exercise like I used to. It hurts sometimes because I know I’m the person who doesn’t just memorize things from lecture and has to study to pass, while everyone else is studying but at the same time having fun and passing. I don’t know how to feel because it sounds really unreasonable; I have to do what I have to do to make it through college.
I’m not enjoying learning as I used to because it is so fast paced and so much material is covered in a few weeks. I don’t have time to understand what I’m learning and take in what I am learning… I only began understanding a concept while relearning it weeks after for the bio final, for instance. When I finally understood, it made me so happy… I really love to learn, honestly. It just doesn’t feel the same in college… for me, studying is for the exam now and not the self-satisfaction or for knowledge. I hate that. Every exam week is more than just anxiety… it feels like hell. This is more of a me problem I guess… do you have any tips to absorbing a lot of information and retaining it?
I definitely have not gotten enough sleep because of staying up studying. I don’t know what I should do. I really need more sleep. My concentration and memorization is failing. I made so many dumb mistakes on my math final, while I knew all of the material. I dread waking up in the morning. I just need to rest, but with the pace of it all, I can’t do that.
I have doubts about the college I chose. I have doubts about whether or not I will come to enjoy these next five years.
I miss home. I miss my family. I miss both so much it hurts.
I really want to finish college. At this point, I don’t know if I want to try to get all the grades and the credits or just aim for passing. I want to do my best, but I’m so lonely and so tired of everything. I feel like there’s something seriously wrong with me.
Thanks for reading… sorry for sounding whiny…