girls cutting

thisyearsgirl
Sun, 17 Apr 2005 01:01:07 +0000

cutting to feel something- even if it is numbing pain

I went through a semi-serious depression in eighth and ninth grade (a messy family situation coupled with social isolation at school). To give you an idea of how bad it was, I used to lean on railings and imagine falling to finally hit the ground. My pain tolerance was too low to actually cut, but I’d run my nails down my wrists until they bled then rip off the scabs when they dried. “Cutting to feel” is definitely an apt description–in my case, much of it was also hurting emotionally to an extent where converting some of those feelings to physical pain felt like a relief.

I still have scars (faded, barely noticeable, but there) but I haven’t “cut” in over a year. I can’t say exactly what changed it for me, but mostly I think it was a change in mindset. The sadness had become something to fall back on–because I was used to it, and it was easier. I can’t remember how, but somehow I realized that I was hurting myself more than the world was. So…I quit.

Admittedly, it wasn’t quite that easy… but I made up my mind to change, and I started to improve. Ending an unfortunate long-term infatuation-obsession last October helped. I’m not perfect, but I’m fine.

I don’t know what I’m trying to prove by writing all this. The best advice that I can give to anyone dealing with a cutter is to offer your unwavering support, and to be available to listen without judging. Don’t commiserate, though–try to bring the cutter’s attention to the positive things in her (it’s usually a she) life, without seeming too fake and cheerful. Never berate her for cutting, or taunt her, or call her ridiculous. I can’t promise that this will work for everyone, but this kind of gentle but firm support is something I wish I’d had.

Sorry if this was tangential and/or incoherent.