girls cutting

berurah
Sat, 16 Apr 2005 22:22:59 +0000

Well, as usual it doesn’t take much to elicit strong criticism on this forum, but hey, that’s O.K. Here I find myself, once again, defending my very own words (even if they were a tiny bit misquoted and definitely taken out of context).

citygirlsmom~If you read my post as it was intended, you would not have been nearly so offended by my remark. What you quoted as this:

keeping my D wayyyy away from kids like that



was actually this:

The way I handle this…basically I keep my kids WAAAAAAAAAAY away from these types of kids and from these types of situations.



If you had taken the time to notice its placement, you would have found that it followed a paragraph which discussed disturbed kids’ disturbing blogs, not the one which specifically referred to cutting. I have never and will not now apologize for acting as a PARENT, which to my way of thinking, includes protecting my children from unhealthy/dangerous situations, including excessive time spent around unbalanced kids WHO ARE RECEIVING NO HELP.

That said, my daughter has been and remains friendly with the girl to whom I was referring in the paragraph about cutting. No, I do not allow an excessive amount of contact with her (nor does my daughter desire it, frankly) but not because she cuts, but rather because she is exceedingly unbalanced and can be very hurtful and emotionally dangerous in certain moods. My daughter has never been close enough to her to experience this side of her, but I’ve seen it and I’ve known others who have experienced it.

Sorry to disappoint y’all, but I’m fairly dang conservative when it comes to parenting. That’s just the way it is, and again, I do not apologize for it. I set standards for my children, and yes, I expect them to be adhered to. So far they have been. I think that the reason why this has worked so beautifully for us is that I am neither a nag nor a spy. My kids are very well aware of what I expect of them in terms of personal conduct, but other than that, they have a great deal of leeway. For example, my oldest son has NEVER had a curfew…never. I have had no reason to enforce one. I trust him implicitly. I know his friends and their parents well. And I give him my full and complete trust. He has earned it. If he comes in at 2:00 or 3:00 a.m., it is O.K. with me because I trust him to have been doing the right thing. He has never disappointed me.

Another thing that I have come to believe is that it is not necessarily a given that all teens will stumble and fall on their ways to adulthood. Some do, some don’t. I personally was a VERY compliant teen. I had a sense of responsibility and I took it seriously. I may be one of the few folks on this forum who has never 1.) smoked a cigarette (my mom died of lung cancer), 2.) smoked pot or taken any other illegal drug, 3.) drunk myself into oblivion. So far, my three teenage children seem to be following the same path. That’s a GOOD thing. I cannot claim to take credit for this…they are their own people, but I think I have done a good job of 1.) instilling in them the sense of responsibility for and the consequences of their own behavior, and 2.) having the kind of relationship with them in which they would sooner do anything than disappoint me on that type of level (and no, I have not threatened them with a bat—just showered them with unconditional love ).

I personally resent the implication that I encourage my children to shun those who are depressed or those who suffer from other psychological issues. In fact, if that were true, they would have no relationship with ME because I have struggled with serious depression since I was in college and am currently on a low dose of Celexa (I was raised in a hideously dysfunctional family and have been disowned and disinherited). So you see, to shun and turn from them would be to do the same to myself. You were WAY off base in your remarks. :(

Yes, I WILL continue to protect and watch over my children AS PARENTS SHOULD, and I will NOT sacrifice them on the altar of faux feel-good-ness.

~berurah