Girls vs. Boys

Xanatos
Sun, 08 Mar 2009 14:05:28 +0000

They probably can’t get any because they are not meathead Theta Delts and Heorots who don’t have the benefit of Kappa/KDE wallpaper in their frat basements. Admittedly however, the girls at Dartmouth are actually plenty good looking. Here is how relationships work at Dartmouth:

Two drunk people meet in a frat basement. They hook up. They then start a game of blitz tag, making sure all their friends know about it because everyone at Dartmouth loves attention. They do this again the next weekend because its convenient, and continue on for a few weeks or months until they get bored. Throw in a bunch of drama that everyone else gets subjected to whether they want to or not. This is how a typical “relationship” works at Dartmouth. Once the interested parties have gotten bored, rinse, wash, and repeat.

Who you hook up with is a function of your social capital, which consists of the popularity/coolness of your frat (which goes a surprisingly long way to determine your happiness and success at Dartmouth; Dartmouth students tend to value people based on how useful they are to them, probably good preparation for entering the world of investment banking (or what’s left of it at this point)), your membership or lack thereof in the “acceptable” extracurricular activities (mostly consists of the sports teams, throw in a few others like student government and The D), and, admittedly to a lesser extent, your family’s wealth. Basically, you can have fun as a freshman but you essentially get one shot at joining the “right” organizations. But don’t worry, if you guess wrong, you can always spend the next three years *****ing on Bored@Baker.

Look, I understand these boards are about making schools seem appealing, but let’s not blow smoke up these prospies’ asses. If they wanted that, they could just stay home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose (Simpsons reference, for those scoring at home). Dartmouth is a place where you can have a very fun time, and I think to a lesser or greater extent most people do, but your chances significantly improve if you are a jock and/or are in one of the good houses (for both males AND females). If you are not one of these things, you have little hope of mattering or having a decent amount of “social capital” and that in turn affects your relationship chances significantly.