Girls...WTH?

BedHead
Fri, 16 Mar 2007 20:15:52 +0000

This is true…but it’s usually not worth it to mess with someone who can’t make up their minds about how they feel about you. And to take it a step further, do you really want her to dump this other guy and go straight into something with you? Situations like that rarely work out well…unless you’re just looking for something casual.

Anyway, if you’re looking for one or the other advice, I’d go for the one you’ve been interested in for a while (who I’m assuming is available)…but if you just want an honest opinion, I think you should just chill a little and wait for a girl that leaves no room for doubt.



Katho11 makes some really, really good points here. If you need to think of what I say as a point-counterpoint provacative statement, then that’s okay. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle.

First of all, if you are at a small school, you may need to handle this differently than if you are at a big school. But something tells me you’re at a large school. Correct me if I am wrong.

The big schools are more forgiving if you have a social problem with a relationship that doesn’t go right, either for reasons that you or the other person creates.

My position is that it is often hard, until you are actually in an affair or relationship or even just a more casual dating thing, to see how you feel about someone *from a position of knowledge**.

My other point is not to focus on one or the other woman (so long as you haven’t committed explicitly or implicitly, and you don’t need to do this until certain lines have been crossed or a certain number of dates have happened; it’s intuitive) but to focus on getting more dates with other women unnamed here. You will never be hurt by attempting (though you have to be more careful at a small school), and even better if you go off campus to do so.

If you are truly just going to be friends with boyfriend girl and she knows this from you more or less directly, why don’t you take her to parties with you? A guy always has an easier time at a party if he comes with a girl. Repeat the mantra: women are attracted to guys who are attractive to other women. Better yet if she talks you up.

Waiting for a girl that leaves no room for doubt, as Katho11 suggests, is waiting for the world to set your agenda. Based on how confused and dithery a non-confusing situation like the above left you, I would say you need to collect some experience and put away caution (I am not trying to be harsh, and by the way, you are further along than I was at your point). I would not wait.

The only thing I will say is to not go after boyfriend girl if you decide you genuinely are not interested in her. A good reason for this is she’s a person and you should treat people right, as much as the complications of infatuations and attractions and romance allow. Yes, love is a battlefield, but you don’t have to be scorched earth about it.

You sound like you are being very cool – as is she – about the situation with rose girl. But I gotta tell you, and it’ll be obvious to you in your life if it isn’t now: sometimes we are most attracted to what we can’t have. Right now, you can’t have her unless you change the paradigm and show her more attractiveness. By the way, if you got her, would you really want someone that busy?

I would say if you just think boyfriend girl is sweet and nothing else, move on from boyfriend girl and just flirt with her, but don’t make a real attempt. If you think she’s sweet and also sexy and someone you could be happy with, put her in the mix.

That’s it, Atlantiz: you’ve got a choice. You know where I stand: fortune favors the bold. Fair maidens were not won by the faint of heart. Carpe Diem. And all that stuff. You should get yourself pumped up 'cause it’s one big amazing adventure, and you best get to it.

If this sounds too radical or out of character, play it safe and sensible like Katho11 suggests. And what she suggests is eminently sensible. I am rallying you to be insensible. After all, it’s on you, and ultimately the ladies will respect you for no less, whatever advice they may render in dispassionate moments.