Give mine a read?

GymnastKaori
Sat, 10 Jul 2010 16:30:01 +0000

California schools, mostly; Cal States and a few privates. Nothing high tier really at all.
I think I’ll just post it here, I am not worried about somebody stealing it or anything. Its so rough that I’m not too worried. Is that allowed here as long as I feel comfortable?

So about the essay, I’m worried it sounds too much like a cliche resume style essay and isn’t unique enough. My main questions are should I scratch the idea completely or maybe just cut one of the topics (music or gym) and go into much more detail about the other? Here it is (I’ve replaced my real name with my alias).

"My twelve-year-old self would likely be confounded by the way I am living my life today. My eight-year-old self surely would, and little three-year-old Kaori, with her heart set on becoming a firefighter, would be extraordinarily surprised.
At twelve, I knew exactly what I wanted to happen in my life and how I was going to make everything occur, down to every last detail. Sure, I have followed the track that twelve-year-old Kaori had laid out for me, but not exactly to a tee. I never imagined all the twists and turns my life would take in the next several years that would shape the thoughts, passions and desires I have today.
Some things never change though. Young Kaori would watch me get up early in the morning to head to school and be surrounded by the same loving friends she was. And after lunch when I’d head for the music building, Kaori would follow skip happily into the choir room. But then she’d stop suddenly when she realized I had passed up the first classroom door and headed instead for the second. “Band?” Kaori would ask, “But you don’t even play a band instrument!” And I would proudly show her the beautiful alto saxophone that was once our mother’s and maybe play her a scale or two. I would tell her how I had learned to play it just over a year ago and how joining the marching band was the best decision I ever made. Singing in the choir was fun, but it was nothing compared to the energy, drive and joy that came from being a member of the marching band. I learned lessons about teamwork, responsibility and most importantly music that I never would have learned had I stayed in choir. I met some of the most amazing people I have ever known and gotten constant guidance, support and friendliness from my band director.
As Kaori would have expected, right from school I would head for gymnastics. I feel just as at home at the gym now as she did then, even more so than when I am in the band room. Gymnastics has always taken me away wherever I want to be. When I’m working out or competing, I forget everything that is bothering me. I don’t think that many people know passion like that. Kaori would be so excited, ready to see me perform skills she could only dream of doing, hoping I would be preparing for a regional competition, maybe even a national one! Imagine her surprise when she would find that I was late for practice. Late? Me? How could I be? Kaori would watch me head into the locker room and emerge wearing not a leotard, but a t-shirt and shorts. A t-shirt that says, “Coach.” I’d bounce up onto the floor to greet my classes and lead them in stretching and teach them the basics of the bars, beam, floor and vault. Kaori would follow me, but watching the team longingly all the time. She would watch my friends flip higher, spin faster and run harder than she ever had. She would be jealous for me and not understand. Why wasn’t I with them? Why was I just standing there and telling five-year-olds how to do a forward roll instead of working on double back flips like everyone else?
I’d sit Kaori down afterwards and explain it all to her. I’d skim over my back injury and the huge expenses and burdens being a competitive gymnast sometimes brought upon my life. It would take time, but I think she would eventually understand. Leaving the gymnastics stage allowed me to branch out in so many ways, especially in my music. It allowed me to learn new instruments and join so many new musical ensembles, which quickly became my new passion. She would also understand the doors that coaching gymnastics opened for me. I love coaching. I love watching the tiny toddlers, bouncing on the trampoline for the first time. I love spotting girls on their first handsprings and helping the pre-team perfect their routines so that they may one day compete like I did. Kaori would understand, eventually.
Absolutely exhausted after living a day in the life of her future self, Kaori would be happy to join me in falling asleep in the same bed she slept in. Kaori would wake up the next morning back in her own shoes. She would be confused, but content with the life she would grow to lead and love. She would gather her school things and head off to seventh grade, then choir and gymnastics practice. And even though Kaori would know that these were activities she would eventually leave behind, she also knew their importance in shaping her character and future passions. Kaori would pursue each with countless amounts of effort and passion over the next five years and as her activities morphed and turned over time, her reoccurring pursuits of gymnastics and music still have not changed to this day. My current dreams of becoming a music teacher and a team gymnastics coach all came from the heart-felt music and gymnastics passions I had when I was younger, even though I express them differently now. "