Going home every weekend? (overkilled topic I know)

MaryGJ
Sun, 02 Oct 2016 06:36:04 +0000

My kiddo had the room mates from hell her first semester of freshman year. (nice enough girls, but a severe clash of social culture…my kid is super nerdy and the other girls were very into status and fashion, Greek Life, etc) She came home A LOT. Almost every weekend. Like you, she wasn’t into the party vibe. She’s super negative on drinking due to a family tragedy involving alcohol. Was actually a lot easier for her to come home and study, than to try to study with the stream of partiers in and out of her room at all hours.

Second semester, she escaped her dorm and got an apartment with a very sweet girl with whom she had a lot more commonality. She still came home once a month or so, but seemed a LOT happier with the arrangement.

Sophomore year, she decided to have her own place, and got a single apartment. She LOVED this arrangement, and ended up coming home far less often. With her own place to entertain in…she became more invested in friendships, dating, and decided she quite liked being on her own and not having to answer to anyone. LOL:)

This year, she surprised us, and got an apartment with a good friend who shares her major. She’s ridiculously happy with her life and relationships in Ann Arbor, now. We don’t see that much of her on weekends anymore…but we’re a tight family who likes to message and talk on the phone and stuff…so, it all works out.

This year, she seems to have really hit her stride and struck a really good balance. She’ll be home for breaks, but probably won’t take any weekends home this year. She always has too much to do, too many plans, too much going on.

When she was coming home every weekend her freshman year, she was told the same things…don’t go home so much, you’ll never acclimate, you won’t develop the support and relationships you need.

While that’s pretty decent general advice…sometimes you just have to do what works for you. Be yourself. Give yourself a break and do what’s comfortable until things start falling into place a little better. Freshman year is a LOT of change. it takes time to put down roots in a new place (and sometimes it hurts a lot to pull up roots from home).

There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing.

I also think different kinds of people acclimate differently. My daughter kept getting a ton of advice to be involved more, to live with people, to be very social…but that’s just not who she is. She’s an only child who really likes privacy and space. She had a couple of close girlfriends and a boyfriend in high school…but never really enjoyed group activities outside of theater. All the group togetherness prescribed at college…sort of suffocated her and rattled her into dysfunction.

Some people like to come home and read a book with a cup of tea. Some people get hours of enjoyment on the weekend all by themselves, drawing or writing…or whatever. Some people like two or three really close friends, rather than two or three hundred group friends. People are different. Make your life enjoyable in the way that makes the most sense to you.

I’m guessing you’re a little like my kid…and you’ll feel a lot more invested at school with time.