Grade my APWH Comparative Essay?

cypres
Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:55:50 +0000

Thanks so much! This was really helpful – I literally just took notes on your feedback on what to improve on.

A few questions:

1. Aargh, all the essay guides are saying that I simply need to relate it to modern day/global somehow in the beginning and/or end. Are you saying my essay would be stronger if I kept the focus on state-building experiences in general/globally in the conclusion?

2. 2 similarities and one difference, right? Right now I have one of each … next time I try this, should I make a five paragraph essay (3 body paragraphs), or have a longer similarity paragraph?

3. About your analysis of causes and effects of comparisons: So, more analysis/ cause & effect, rather than merely explaining the situation?

4. For the difference, I guess I did stray a bit off topic :). Would it have been better to talk more about how culture and honor unified Japan, medieval Europe was unified through ownership of land and wealth? Or does that still go on the same tangent?

Once again, thanks a lot. Here’s to getting 5’s in May! :)