Grade my essay please :p

Bak0rz
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 01:01:03 +0000

somefool:

You are supposed to choose one standpoint and argue for one side only, not both sides. Doing so makes you look like a flip-flop. You are supposed to demonstrate how well you can argue for ONE side in an essay, not compare/contrast 2+ sides.

^Bahahhahaahaha, you can’t be serious. Obviously you’ve never written an exam essay in your life.

calculix: 6-7/12. I’m really on the fence as to whether this is a 6 or 7, and even torn as to **whether/b to award this an 8.

Your argument of both sides is a good indicator of sound critical thinking, though your ideas are not expressed in exactly the right way. Your personal example lacked strength not in analysis, but in the lack of persuasion by detail. If you were to able to seamlessly add small details about yourself and your sister into your analysis, it would make your argument much more authoritative. Your second example spent too long recounting plot and lacked clarity, if a marker was to read it and not skim it (likely, given the moderate length of your essay) it could change his holistic impression of this essay from 4 to 3.

Also, try to vary your vocabulary and sentences a bit more. You have a lot of potential, keep at it!