Grade my Essay please? Thanks!

jencee
Sun, 12 Jan 2014 22:24:20 +0000

Great essay. Was this done in 25 minutes? If so, the length alone would guarantee you at least a 10/12. I liked your introduction and your conclusion, especially the use of the Chinese proverb.

However, I think you need to link your examples more closely to the question and focus on the argument, rather than focus on telling the story of the example. Your first paragraph was ok, but I felt that your second and third paragraphs were basically just narratives with only the last sentence actually focusing on the question. For example, what was the unfairness in George’s life? And how did he take the easy way out? I think you need to analyse your examples more.

Overall, I think this essay would get around a 10 (out of 12) because it is really long.