Grade my Essay please? Thanks!

CHD2013
Mon, 13 Jan 2014 11:37:59 +0000

Here’s a few more suggestions:

paragraph 2
don’t start 2 sentences in a row with “However”
answer the prompt more directly, i.e. change last sentence to “Zing Xhoa is an example of someone who decided to make the best of unfair circumstances and benefited from that decision.”

paragraph 3
It was not unfair that George took care of Lenny
again, conclusion kind of weak, try "Clearly, George would have been better off dealing with the unfairness in his life; his decision to try to change his predicament led to disaster.

paragraph 4
another place you can answer the prompt more directly is in the intro to this paragraph
"Finally, a New York stockbroker named Johnny Reynad proves that it is good to accept unfairness through life experiences as long as one makes the best of the situation.