Grade my Essay please? Thanks!

Peachmarmalade
Sun, 12 Jan 2014 19:09:35 +0000

Hi, could some of you grade my essay as honestly as possible, and point out some flaws in it as well?
The prompt is “Should people accept unfairness and find ways to make the best of it?”

An ancient Chinese proverb states that “One can only do so much to obtain a bountiful harvest. Mother Nature dictates the rest.” In other words, people should “accept unfairness and find ways to make the best of it” as often there are obstacles which cannot possibly be controlled. Several examples from history, literature, and real life experiences clearly demonstrate that accepting the circumstances and giving one’s full effort can lead to success.

In the late 13th century, there was a general of the Chinese army named Xing Zhao. As the most adroit military strategist of all of China, Xiang Zhao was the best man for the job. However, in a battle against the Persian army, Zhao’s troops were outnumbered five to one. However, the experienced war hero knew that he could do nothing except deal with the situation at hand and accept that the odds were against him. When his army charged into battle, a miraculous occurrence took place; the Persians walked into a bog of quicksand! Thus, the Chinese army handily won the battle, as they took advantage of their opponents’ immobility. Through this example, it can be seen that accepting unfair circumstances is not always the same as accepting defeat.

Another paragon of this message can be seen through the novel, “Of Mice and Men.” In the novel, the witty and practical character, George, took care of this mentally impaired comrade Lenny. Even though caring for his friend was detrimental to his own life, George accepted this unfairness and tried to find jobs for the both of them. Lenny, however, could not stay out of trouble and soon after George had secured them jobs at a ranch, Lenny’s actions forced them to flee from the establishment. This was the last straw for George. Cunningly, George put his life long friend to rest because he did not want to deal with his antics any longer. Immediately after performing this horrific act, George was full of remorse, and wished he could undo it. Clearly, the decision of George shows that one should always try to deal with unfairness in life because sometimes taking the easy way out can cause regrets.

Finally, a New York stockbroker named Johnny Reynad proves that it is good to accept unfairness through his life experiences. Johnny was one of the biggest stockbrokers on Wall Street, making the most profitable investments week after week. Mr. Reynad was human though. One day, in 2008, he made an investment in a company that was supposedly going to be booming in the near future. Unfortunately, this company went under and crashed, and it brought 40 percent of Reynad’s funds with it. The usually profitable stockbroker was devastated by his loss. But, he did not quit from the business, instead he invested marginal amounts more cautiously and quickly regained his former status of wealth. As can be seen in the case of Johnny Reynad, accepting unfairness in life is pivotal to becoming successful.

After a careful analysis of an ancient Chinese battle, “Of Mice and Men,” and a wealthy New York stockbroker, accepting unjust obstacles is an essential component of life. When one tries to avoid unfairness, misfortune always seems to follow. Therefore, people should indeed try to do the best they can with the circumstances at hand.