Grade my Essay Please!

teszzz
Sat, 09 Feb 2013 17:56:16 +0000

First time writing this essay…please give criticisms and critiques!

Excerpt: Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary in order for any group or organization to function, questioning people in charge-even if they are experts-makes us better thinkers…etc.

Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue…etc.

My essay:
Throughout history, governments and authority have ruled according to what they perceived to be true. Since before 21st century politics, codes of law such as Nebechanezzar’s code and the Pharoah’s Code in Egypt controlled the structure of civilization. However, many times, these laws are not practical. For example, although Nebechanezzar stated “an eye for an eye,” Gandhi later retorted that “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” Therefore, it is crucially important to challenge the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority in order to correct old errors and create better thinkers, as seen in the Egyptian revolution in the 2010s, the Civil Rights Movement, and the Indian movement led by Gandhi.
In the 2010s, world politicians were surprised to see that the Egyptian authorities had been overturned by a middle class revolution that consisted mostly of young adults. They challenged the unfair social and economic status in the county and were able to forcibly remove the king from power. By challenging the authority of the Egyptian government, the people were able to stop an authoritarian ruler and change old ideas that did not benefit them as a people. The Egyptian government was run on misrepresentation of the people. The movement helped to change and put an end to actions that were not right and not representative of a sound and stable government. The Civil Rights movement also shows that challenging authority can be important.
In American history, after the end of Radical reconstruction in the South, many laws were instituted as a means of separating black freedmen and whites. The Jim Crow Laws, an evolution of the harsh Black Codes, placed restrictions on all blacks. Although this segregation was condoned by the authorities through the case of Plessy vs. Ferguson, blacks and whites alike fought against this prejudice by engaging in peaceful protests suck as diner sit-ins and marches. By challenging the claims of American governmental authority, the whole of America became better thinkers. People like Rosa Parks and MLKJ challenged the ideas and notions of the government, leading to a birth of acceptance and an end of widespread racism in the nation. Another example of standing up to authority was shown through Gandhi and his work in India.
Gandhi, one of the world’s best and most renowned peacemakers helped India to stand up for their rights against Britain, their “mother country.” He used similar tactic as the Civil rights leaders did but he was fighting for freedom for his people. By challenging authorities in a peaceful manner, he was able to bring about change for the country of India even though they were eventually ravaged by internal fighting. His work corrected Britain’s notion of imperialism and superiority in India while changing the Indian people’s views on nationalism and unity.
As Roosevelt once said, “There is nothing to fear by fear itself.” Although challenging gov’t and authority can cause negative repercussions such has the deaths witnessed in Egypt or the KKK in Reconstruction America, challenging the authorities in power can lead to better equality and more freedoms. If one knows that fear can be conquered and challenges their authorities, they will be able to create true changes and progress. By challenging authorities, genuine change and reform can be brought about by the destruction of old ideas and the introduction of new ones.

Wow…that was pretty rough. I held myself back from making corrections even though it desperately needs it. Please grade it! Oh, and do i need a concession for an SAT essay?

Thanks again!