Haverford, Reed, Grinnell, or Williams

N_s_Mom
Thu, 29 Oct 2015 00:51:05 +0000

There are many ways to hone your people and organizational skills, ScaredNJDad. Being thrown into a more chaotic environment your first time living and studying away from home isn’t the path I’d generally recommend for someone trying to do this.

Fit isn’t just about wanting to be with ‘your type.’ It’s also about finding an optimal learning environment. The ‘super-sized intro classes’ at a large State U may or may not be good for some kids. A small school in a small town can be nurturing for some and stifling for others. Faculty mentoring can be crucial for some professional goals - and not matter much for others. Social fit is not a bit deal at a large school, where you will eventually find your crowd. At a small school or one with a very pronounced culture, that may not be true. There is a world of difference between swimming against the tide for 4 years, vs. feeling part of the mainstream culture. I wouldn’t encourage my 18 yr old to go anywhere that the dominant culture wasn’t one that was a good fit. There are enough challenges in adjusting to your first time living away from home.

That doesn’t mean that some kids aren’t ridiculously superficial: Refusing to get out of the car because they saw someone with pink hair would indeed be silly and immature. But if the entire campus caters to an artsy, edgy, angular student body, your straight arrow may have a harder time making friends. Sure, there is virtue in ‘powering through’ the discomfort - anyone who has studied abroad knows about culture shock. Most people eventually cope and are proud of having done so, but they are older when it happens and most are relieved to get back to a more familiar environment. It’s not trivial or self-indulgent to recognize that fit matters.