Health and mobility as one gets older

ChoatieMom
Tue, 19 Mar 2024 15:50:26 +0000

When my perfectly healthy 85-year-old mother fell (off a curb into a parking lot while chatting with her friend who almost didn’t see the curb either) two years ago and broke her kneecap, the surgery was outpatient, and she was released to me without any discussion of what would be required for her post-op care other than not to put any pressure on the knee for (I forget how many) weeks, thus a wheelchair. So, I brought her home, set her up on our couch, and quickly learned that she was basically helpless, and that I would have to do everything for her, including helping her to the bathroom, washing her, etc. And this was two months before my own hip surgery when my pain was at its worst, and I was partially immobile myself. Later, when she moved to a walker (still at my house), we BOTH fell as I was trying to help her transition to the couch. Fortunately, that fall was on both of our “good” sides, but we were both scared and lucky to avoid further injury.

As I posted on the other thread, that incident was a good test of the design of our house, but it triggered serious discussions about how unprepared and ignorant we were about how insurance works and what caring for someone with mobility issues really means. My mother has a BCBS Medicare plan that covered her bills but, as others have posted above, would not cover any rehab or in-home nursing. Also, she has SS and a pension that adequately cover her monthly living/spending needs, but my brother and I own her house and car. She has no savings to speak of; three months in a facility at the prices listed in these threads would wipe her out. So what will happen to her if/when something else happens?

After living through her knee injury, DH is adamant that no one will be living with us (not his parents or mine). We split our time between AZ/ME, and my only sibling and SIL split their time between MI/FL/SC and cannot take her in either should it ever come to that. DH’s parents (both “healthy” PhDs) are suffering from early-stage dementia and have the resources for in-home or (eventual) facility care, but they are fighting the person who recently started coming in the afternoons to ensure their pills are taken correctly and to grocery shop, do light housekeeping, and make them dinner.

Right now, we’re in the magical thinking place that we have time as both my (divorced) parents, now 87/88, are in good health and live active lives on their own. My dad is married and has resources, but my single mom worries me. I’m following the caring for parents thread, but it scares me as my mother has no money. If she ever requires full-time care again, we have no idea what will happen. I know that this is a discussion for that thread, so no need to respond here.

To the point of this thread, though, my family is in the great-genes pool with zero health issues – until there were. I had a hip replaced at 65, my brother fell 12 feet off his boat in dry-dock face down on the cement and will suffer for the rest of his life with chronic pain, my mom fell off that curb, and my dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma two years ago (cancer-free now). Life happens. The Serenity Prayer sums it up for me.