Help my sister pick a school?

sovereigndebt
Sat, 14 Apr 2012 18:06:40 +0000

You should take her to Starbucks and sit and talk and talk…a couple of hours. And get to the bottom of this. Going to college is a big decision and requires maturity. Is she immature? Will she make poor decisions about drinking or partying or goofing off?

Some kids mature later than others. You have to WANT to go to college or it will not work. Its work, some play, then more work. Some kids live in dorms and just blow off work and class and bomb. Not good.

Some alternatives may be 1) asking for a deferment from Drew or Moravian or Rutgers etc, and keeping a place in class for next year (otherwise you have to reapply), then working a year in a non profit or some good job. A little reality in life doesnt hurt…and helps to grow up. 2) relaxing a bit on picking a major and just take a lot of core classes and see what suits her interests. Its okay to not know what you want to do at 18. Really!

Is she afraid of failure? Afraid of social issues? Too sheltered?

Rutgers and Montclair State are fine…but big state schools and less help from professors…and a lot of party animals. Small private colleges have small classes.

Theatre kids at Drew? There will be all sorts of kids at Rutgers and Montclair State…some she likes and some she doesnt. The key is to find kids who are healthy choices and like her…share interests.

Some kids are deathly afraid of leaving the nest but afraid to tell mom and dad about that. Its okay to admit it. The answer is in facing your fears…and deciding how to tackle them…either by working hard, or taking a year off and working in a job and figuring out what is really important to her.

What are her academic interests? Not a lot of research in undergraduate work…just a lot of reading…and some papers to write in English and History etc.

If she isnt ready, she isnt ready. But find out what is going on inside of her. Depressed? Freaked about missing friends from high school? WVU is fine…but its also big and has party animals there too. Would she really work hard there? Or just use it as an excuse to get away from home and party?

I would help her sort that out…pick a school and embrace it…buy the gear. Moravian is a fine school. She will find friends wherever she goes…is she social or a bit awkward and shy?

Finally, not everyone should go to college. Its expensive and a different paradigm from high school. Some kids are “doers” not “thinkers.” That is fine…if that is how they are wired. There is not one right answer here…only what is right for her…so she can succeed. I get where mom and dad are coming from…they want her to be independent and get a good education and find a good job. And a four year degree is an excellent way to do that. But not the only way. Community college is cheaper and perhaps less stressful…and then you commute and do homework at home. Is she ready for that too?

She has two weeks to decide…I know a kid who got into Brown…and deferred in the summer…to go hiking in the Appalachian Mtns…it worked. He is now at Brown and doing well. But that is very unique. Better to be working in a non profit or some job she might enjoy…getting her self esteem up and her self motivation up.

For many kids, going to college scares the hell out of them. The horror stories…some of which is misplaced fear, some of which is not.

Who is she inside her head and spirit?

And some kids have a fixation on one school…which is often tainted by friends, or ideas about college life or being away from home. And that isnt healthy…as all colleges at the end of the day are about living in dorms, going to class, eating cafeteria food, and learning to grow up and solve problems.

Be supportive and caring and give her a hug…but also be focused on helping her to stay on message.

Good luck.