Help! Oldest daughter going off to college. We need support

dietz199
Sun, 29 Aug 2010 11:30:38 +0000

I have a confession to make - I have been lurking on this thread and also on the ‘class of 2014 thread’.

In two weeks, DH and I will drive DD to college - and we will leave her there. Just like that, girl gone. Although I’ve had teary moments over this past summer I’ve always reminded myself that D is so happy and excited to be going. She is mature, prepared, capable and strong. So, up until yesterday I was holding it together pretty well.

DH has been out of town all week and DS, our 15 year old, is spending the weekend with friends. So, D and I spent yesterday going to the movies, having coffee and enjoying a take and bake pizza at home while critiquing ‘Project Runway’. I looked over at her on the couch and just started crying. I haven’t had much luck stopping.

My thoughts are all over the place. First and foremost I need to make sure that my feelings do not cause guilt or self doubt on D side. She is a very empathetic and gentle soul. She needs to know she is not responsible for care taking DH or I. This is hard to do when my eyes look red all the time!

I will miss her so very much. Although I’ve always remained ‘mom’ first, we are friends, confidants and buddies. I love DS with all my heart but in many ways his world is so different than D and mine. I came into the TV room the other night and ‘Black Hawk Down’ was blasting away. It broke my heart to know the nights of exchanging foot rubs while enjoying a chick flick were coming to an end. The house will be so empty without her.

She is an astute person. Over coffee she mentioned that during the 4 years at college she really won’t have a ‘home’. Here, this house, will no longer be where her life is centered. She will be traveling these last few years into adulthood primarily on her own, in a place where she needs to move at the end of each year. It became clear that this is the first step in a drawn out, but very necessary, good-bye.

This is what everyone here has prepared their child for. We have supported, encouraged, disciplined, laughed, cried, spent sleepless nights and given so much of ourselves to their lives. Sometimes individual days seemed terminally long, yet somehow the years flew by. I know the intensity of these feelings will fade - they must. I have faith that there is joy waiting to be experienced. But, right now it feels awful.