Help with 20 yr old dropout

mxjeff
Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:31:20 +0000

Sorry to hear of your situation. Assuming you can rule out substance abuse and some other emotional situation that may require counseling, you should proceed very cautiously. What you do now may impact her negatively and change the nature of your relationship forever. With this being said, don’t create a environment where anger and resentment are the basis for your actions. Be very calm, parental and adult about it. Suggest that as she is out of school now that it would only be appropriate that she pay expenses while not going to school and not showing progress. If you are “cold” in the process you will create great distance. What you are trying to do is bring her back and making small amounts of progress can be great progress. The whole “tough love” approach has alot of support among today’s parents but the wedge it creates sometimes moves the child much quicker to desperation. The relationship she has sounds like she is drawn to it because she is lost and lonely. There is merit to the approach that says she must “hit bottom” or “figure it out herself.” Help her to do that. Facilitate and don’t force her into the wrong direction.