Help with my essay?

keunglh
Fri, 08 Jun 2012 20:43:17 +0000

Overall I thoroughly enjoyed your essay.

However (you don’t have to take my word for it, I’m also still working on my essay portion)


It doesn’t seem like you really had a thesis sentence nor did you really take a side in your first paragraph.
I feel like you should have broken up the HP/Rabbit & Hare example into two paragraphs and to expand on it more. Or you can keep it the way you have, but I would suggest making a 2nd body paragraph based on the reasoning, one is example, another is your reasoning and logic as to why motivation is more necessary and important.


Hope it helps!