Helping child find a "passion"

mousegray
Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:45:10 +0000

“Passion” is one of those ideas (like “self-esteem”) that sound like something our children should have, but it’s tricky once you start unpacking it-- one kid’s passion can be another’s (his parent?) pointless activity, as some have said.

Many boys are late bloomers when it comes to being able to focus on a meaningful pursuit. And by late bloomers, I mean mid 20’s. There is often a clue though, if you go back far enough. My S was an avid drawer way back when he was a toddler, and rediscovered it after college.

It might be maturity level, and it might be temperament. Sometimes encouraging them to try something they would never do on their own can help as long as there is no performance attached. I once knew a boy who discovered that he had a knack for drawing patterns. He seemed surprised that he was good at something, and it in turn opened other doors for him because he was able to see the possibilities.

Sometimes a detached attitude can originate from anxiety about performing up to expectations, in which case pressuring him would probably backfire. The kind of passion that it sounds like you’re referring to – a deep engagement-- is something that comes into being incrementally.