Helping child find a "passion"

starbright
Sun, 08 Nov 2009 22:03:00 +0000

I posted this a bit earlier, but accidentally in the wrong thread (I had two different but related threads open I guess)…

I think passion is a wonderful gift if one stumbles upon it-- wouldn’t we all want that feeling or for our kids to have that feeling? But I also think it is way over-rated nowadays and really gets my goat. The concept puts useless and unrealistic pressure on a lot of kids and sometimes their parents too.

Nothing is wrong that needs to be fixed if kids “only like” what they do, or they enjoy a few things and have a happy life. One needn’t be obsessed or excited about one thing around which they can build their teenage identity and resume. They have a lifetime ahead of them. They aren’t failing or falling behind if they haven’t yet found a “passion” and they shouldn’t have to spend their remaining days of childhood hunting for something in place of being. I don’t think this is the OP’s concern at all, but sense her son is picking up that pressure that so many normal teenagers feel. I guess you could say I feel some frustration with this whole ‘passion’ business.

Many (if not most) people don’t find what really turns their crank until they are mature adults. Many childhood passions are neither predictive of adult passions, nor predictive of being passionate as a person in adulthood. Many people never identify a ‘passion’ but live very productive, contributing, and highly successful and happy lives. And many people find lots of different stuff floats their boat a bit, more than one particular thing floating the whole boat.

Moreover, it can be that the underlying thing that really lights one’s fire isn’t something that fits into one definable, measurable “EC” to which one can belong, with a corresponding set of lessons, levels, leadership, clubs or awards that can show up on a college application. Just as one example, but there are hundreds more, my D is very creative- it shows up in a million small ways on a daily and weekly basis. Everything that excites her is driven by creating (in almost any form but no particular form): from school assignments that require creativity, to her halloween costumes, to the videos she makes, to the games she invents with her friends, to the acting she does, or the business ideas she comes up with on a drive to the pool. It’s how her brain is wired, it is what fundamentally fuels her being, but it’s not the kind of thing that can be (nor does she want it to be) bottled into an impressive resume of awards or clubs or certifiable achieved activities.

It’s supposedly ‘passion’ we are seeking to observe in teenagers, but if so, why is it that some passions count more than others? Why should video-game playing or face painting be judged differently than say piano or oil portraits, if it’s passion that we are talking about? And if it’s passion colleges care about, why must it grow into new activities or leadership? Maybe someone’s child LOVES building bicycles or collecting stamps, and they don’t WANT to move it to the ‘next level’ such as building a business around it, or leading a club around it? Often those next level things take one away from the underlying passion for the sake of instrumental resume building (stamp collecting is a VERY different activity than leading a stamp collecting club and just because you love one doesn’t at all suggest you would love the other). And I think it is a shame kids feel they need to do that.

Okay off my soap box. I guess I derailed this somewhat (sorry OP!). To go back to the OP’s question my suggestion is to have a look at volunteer opportunities and part-time jobs on Craigslist. Lots of organizations list there.