Hitting on and getting hit on by undergrads

phichick
Thu, 22 Dec 2011 11:03:35 +0000

I know this is kind of an old thread, but I had to put my two cents in. I’m dating (seriously, I might add) a man who was my TA this past semester. We started dating toward the end of the course, though we kept it very quiet. Heck, were still not really openly dating (though the majority of people know) because we’re in the same department and that could be awkward for him.

But neither one of us planned it. It’s not like I walked into the class and thought “hey, he’s hot, I should try and pick him up”. No, we fell in love over the course of the semester as we interacted both in and out of class (we both frequent a local hangout and would run into each other a lot.) The way you all talk about dating seems so predatory to me. Like you’re on the lookout for anyone you could snatch up, as opposed to getting to know someone and falling for them in an organic and gradual way. No one who was in that class with me would ever suggest that there was some sexual harassment involved in developing our relationship, or that there was any bias in my grading (though it helps that I was also obviously really good at the subject and tutored many of my peers) because it was obviously something that couldn’t be helped. You can’t control who you develop feelings for, and while I do suggest waiting until the course is completed (this particular grad student was the only instructor for the class, and it was sometimes awkward during lecture, because we tried really hard to wait, but just couldn’t), I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with grad students dating undergrads, even those within their department, when the relationship develops this way. I think these things should be judged on a case-by-case basis. There are TAs who take advantage of their position of power, and attractive undergrads who try and get good grades by flirting. But it is not always the case. Sometimes people just fall in love. And sometimes the resulting relationships do work. Ben and I are planning on getting married someday. And no one will care that I was at one point his student.