hook up culture in boarding school

Periwinkle
Tue, 05 Mar 2013 10:13:14 +0000

Neato, I would click on your green square if you had one!

To return to the OP,

A lot of the culture is sexist in nature with expectations that this is a normal way of interacting and a good substitute for real dating and friendships. Boys seems to expect it and think it is a normal way to interact. Has anybody else been hearing this to a large degree and how universal is it?



There’s a big difference between expecting and receiving. So much of this depends upon the individual, and his/her decisions. I recommend talking with children before sending them to boarding school. As I think I said earlier in the thread, I am more concerned about self-image and broken hearts, because I think the kids most likely to “hook up” are those who desperately want the approval of the opposite sex. (Boys and girls.)

Our modern culture is sexist. Look at any entertainment produced for a wide audience. Popular music, movies, jokes, advertisements, etc. Look at the Superbowl half-time show this year. (Or don’t. :))

Boarding school is high school. The boarders at boarding school have stricter controls on their behavior than students at day schools or public schools. It is possible to find trouble if you look for it, in all settings. On the other hand, every school has sensible kids who make friends, hang out with those friends, and manage to avoid hooking up.

Talk with your kids. The points I emphasized with my children were:

1. you can say no.

2. other people can say no.

3. respect others.

4. respect yourself.

5. identify older students and adults you can turn to for support and help.

6. this is a very short segment of your life. Everything will look different when you’re older.

I will add that we discuss any disciplinary cases we hear about with our children. That is, cases not only at their schools, but at friends’ schools. We do ask at times, “what do you think should so-and-so have done/not done?” Not trying to judge, but trying to give our children guidance on how to handle difficult situations.

All of this calms down as kids get older. Or, they get too stressed out by academic stuff to worry about the social stuff.