How do you afford all those college visits?

calmom
Thu, 29 Nov 2007 18:16:49 +0000

I wrote:

I do think my daughter learned some things about herself and what she wanted on college visits – but it happened that way only because she was traveling alone…there’s a lot of value to the dry run experience of doing it solo)

TheDad wrote

CM, I think it depends on dynamic between parents & student. We didn’t ask embarrassing questions and often we split up during a visit but we were, as a trio, very business-like on comparing notes and cross-checking impressions.

I think you misunderstood my comment. I am not talking about the observations that a student might make alone vs. being with a parent, I am talking about the overall experience of traveling alone to the campus, managing planes or buses or trains alone, finding one’s own way around campus, and staying on the campus for an extended time, either as a formal overnight or the guest of another student. It is an early preview of the very real experience the student will have later on. My d. simply had experiences that she could not possibly have had if she had she been staying in a hotel room with a parent.

For example: she figured out that she did not like Washington DC and did not a want a LAC. She had traveled to DC with the family at least twice before and loved all the touristy things – and enjoyed her day on her own at the Smithsonian on her college visit too. But when left to her own devices, she decided that DC was not her kind of town - something that she might not have figured out if her evening had been spent dining in a restaurant with a parent. She had an overnight at an LAC and realized it was not for her when she felt so distressed over being “stuck” there on her own in the evening after the planned activities (interview, tour, class visits).

Then she went to NY and fell in love with the city and NYU. NYU was not even on her agenda for colleges to visit. The only reason it suddenly morphed into a top choice is that she had to stay with someone in NY, and she had a good friend at NYU so was an overnight guest in a dorm. It was her experience Greenwich Village, with peers, that sold her on the city. Would she have had that same epiphany about city life while staying in a hotel room on the upper west side with Mom in preparation for a Barnard visit? Probably not.

I understand why many parents find it enjoyable to be part of the process and enjoy the time spent with their kids. I remember feeling kind of sad when my d. got her driver’s license and I let go of that daily commute time spent with her – the best conversations with teens always seem to take place in the car. But the kids will be in college on their own – and on their own means that their real-life college experience will likely be impacted by the geography and the type and availability of public transportation, and the social life available on-campus and in easily accessible off-campus areas. That is something the kid will get a taste of traveling on their own.

It isn’t what my daughter learned about the colleges that really was so important with the visits; its what she learned about herself.