How far is too far?

Mussels
Sun, 03 Nov 2013 10:23:32 +0000

Although we looked at a bunch of “local” schools that ranged in distance from 15 minutes to 5 hours from home, DS ended up choosing Thacher, the 3,000 mile away option.

Since we live in an area replete with private school options, people naturally assume we’re mad or that Thacher is a “special” school :-)

We’re only 8 or so weeks in, so early days of course, but I will say that the physical distance is less daunting than we thought. It helps that we have major airports at both ends. Another reality for us is that we have two younger children at home, each with full days/weekends. It would be tricky for us to take, say, a Saturday and wheel off to a school 3+ hours away. So, in some ways, being 3+ or a transcontinental flight away ends up being much of a muchness. Had we not the younger sprogs to chauffeur, of course, things might be different. I think part of the appeal for DS, too, in making the decision to go west was that experiential dimension, to be in an immersive setting so different from that of his home environment.

The greater distance challenge for us has been the mental one, an adjustment that we all must make. It reminds me of childbirth in my own case. I was massively, totally, completely over-prepared for the birthing process itself, but spent zero time preparing for life with youngster. Having had a close relationship with our DS’s middle and elementary school, the families, teachers, activities, etc. there, the relative lack of transparency with high school life has been harder. All the usual hand-wringing stuff… I don’t have a view into the menu of choices my DS could make during his free time etc… is he “optimizing” his time, is he integrating fast enough, all the nervous hand-wringing parental stuff However, another mom, whose son goes to a great private day school near us recently “complained” to me of the same issue. Her son told her, calmly and maturely, to stop worrying. She said to him, “I’m not worrying, I just don’t have a clear sense who your friends are or how your classes are going…” then she laughed. Of course, I realized I WAS worrying.

So that kind of distance has required the greater growth on our part, the parental rite of passage.