How is this Personal Statement Topic?

<p>I'm applying using the Common App and chose the essay topic about the most significiant experience one.
I'm writing about the time when I went to Haiti and I, my roommates, and my host family decided to do a dance party. I wrote about how I didn't want to dance due to my fear of being judged (about all things) about how much I'm a horrible dancer compared to their awesome skills. But when I did somehow danced, they didn't laugh but cheered me up and let myself accept my flaws, express myself, etc.</p>

<p>How would you think this essay is?</p>

<p>Thank you for answering in advance!</p>