How long do you give it? ...

kelsmom
Wed, 01 Oct 2008 22:55:43 +0000

2college, I tried searching for your D’s school but couldn’t figure it out. However, I am wondering if it’s one I have a bit of insight into. I am a kind of second mom to a minority student at a very rich, very white eastern LAC (highly ranked). He is now a junior. If this is the same school, he spent the better part of 2 years considering a transfer. He had many concerns similar to your D’s. He was raised as one of the guys, not as a minority. He wasn’t used to being treated as different due to his heritage. On top of that, he is low income. He was raised in an area that is socioeconomically mixed, so he is used to folks from all walks of life - but NOT the walks of life the majority of kids at that school are from! Everything was just surreal. He spent his first year studying, working a part time job, and participating in a varsity sport (not recruited, so didn’t always travel with the team). He told me many times how he missed having friends - he did things with people, but he never felt a part of things. His course load was ridiculous - apparently, the norm is to overload on tough classes. He was stressed to the max.

He didn’t transfer for various reasons. At this point, he is in his last semester on campus. He has made his peace with staying for now. He will do study abroad & then attend another top school under an articulation agreement they have. He is looking forward to the new school, hoping to find a social life (he is a very social person, but hasn’t been able to be himself).

He is glad for all he learned & all the opportunities he has had.

My own D found that her first school didn’t suit her. She transferred after freshman year. I am glad that she has found a better all-around fit for herself.

Two kids … two takes on what to do. Neither is right, neither is wrong. Trust your D to know what is best for her & allow her to make the decision that works for her.

My best to you & your D. I know how tough this is.