How much did you "push" your kids

hellojan
Fri, 26 Feb 2010 11:13:47 +0000

I wait tables when not in New York. Over winter break, I had a family of four sit down for dinner in my section. The parents, who were in their late 30s, focused all of their attention on their kids. Those kids, two boys, about 8 and 10 years of age, were expected to be tidy, polite, and return the attention of their parents.

The meal, more of a seminar, was based on geometry formulas. The parents were taking the time to teach their kids these formulas and their practical applications even though the parents were probably tired after a long day at work; and the kids, school. There were no hand-held video games, no chronic blackberry checking, etc. All the attention, and affection was focused on each other.

The reason I mentioned them being tidy and polite is because of the discipline involved in raising kids - look, I know I haven’t done it. But, I have always worked in restaurants and could probably teach a graduate level on how NOT to do it.

Negotiations with kids seem to be the norm, in restaurants at least. Very often I’d hear, “Fine, you can have whatever you want for dessert and another soda. But, will you then do your homework when we get home?” These would be the same parents, often, who’d change their baby’s diaper in a booth and leave it for me to clean up. Which, when you think about it, is a metaphor for how these people are sending their kids into the world.

My point is this: success, academic or otherwise, isn’t a matter of gently pushing. It has everything to do with a whole family system/commitment to each other (and I was raised by a single parent, so, a whole family can mean the sum of its few parts, too).

Oh, and the family with the geometry kids? They left me a great tip.