How to Bite your Tongue

ADad
Wed, 06 Oct 2010 17:35:10 +0000

Perhaps aim to reflect and clarify rather than to advise.

“I think what you are saying is…”. “Your goal is…”. “This bothers you because…”. “Your dilemma is…”. “You are choosing between…”. “If I am understanding you correctly…”.

This approach is nonjudgmental: You neither approve nor disapprove. You help by listening without judgment while D thinks things through by speaking with you. Your responses show her that she is being understood.

On this approach, avoid expressing an opinion, even if directly asked for one. Summarize her options as you understand them and express confidence that she can make a good choice.