How to connect with your child

classicalmama
Fri, 21 Sep 2012 00:05:33 +0000

Great thread. A couple of thoughts, different from the good stuff that has already been posted.

My son and I, for his first few months at bs, would keep google chat up during study hours. It was our long distance equivalent of sitting in the house together, everyone doing their own thing but jumping in with a comment or question once in a while. I don’t think it disrupted his studying (grades were good) and it might be a solution in a quiet-enforced dorm room. Facebook chat would work too, but facebook can definitely be a distraction…

While it is generally true that no news is good news, it is definitely not always the case. Kids who are depressed or are just trying to suffer through or are having difficulty and are worried that parents might take it badly will also avoid the phone. Advisers often don’t have any way of seeing this as the kids are good at acting like everything’s okay. This is why I’m a big believer in the enforced, longish, once a week phone call that first year, if you’re not getting enough communication otherwise (definition of enough to be determined by each parent who knows his/her child best).

And yes, one thing I still really miss, even after three years, is not knowing my kid’s friends and their parents. In fact, I’ve noticed that he often avoids naming people, other than close friends–maybe he’s anticipating the facebook stalk! However, in other ways, I find that distance makes us closer–the everyday tension is gone. So the trade-off is worth it.