How to connect with your child

crekson
Thu, 01 Nov 2012 12:49:11 +0000

My daughter is in ninth grade and in her second year at a jr. boarding school. She is in the process of applying out at secondary schools for next year. I just spent a week with her interviewing at 10 schools… we barely communicating then or now. We usually text, and she stops texting when she is done talking. I only call her when it’s urgent, because I feel like I’m intruding and don’t want her to feel guilty about having to call me back. I know they have a rigorous schedule. The school has them at breakfast by 7:00 and with school, sports, dinner and study hall, she isn’t “free” until after 9:00 PM and that is if she has completed her homework. It’s frustrating, but I know she is literally in a different world filled with stress. Try not to take it too personally. We talk maybe once a week, and it’s very hard to catch up on everything. I know I am missing out on her daily experiences except what she chooses to share. I’m assuming your daughter has an advisor. Perhaps you can touch base with her and ask her to nudge your daughter (discreetly) to keep in better touch with you. You can probably find out a great deal of what is going on at school from the website as well.
Often, I text just to say, “have a good day” or “good luck” for a test, but such texts don’t mandate and don’t usually get me a reply. I continue to do my part and let her know I am there without pressuring her (usually). The lack of communication continues to be very difficult and hurtful, especially because she is so young. Honestly, if your daughter were doing badly or if she were unhappy, her dorm parent or advisor would contact you if she wouldn’t. You could also let her know that you need to simply hear from her to know that she is ok and happy. Let her know that you aren’t looking for an hour of conversation and just want her to touch base. I hope this is at least a little helpful ;)