How to deal with competitive friends

Groundwork2022
Fri, 02 Oct 2020 18:47:40 +0000

DD hangs out with friends who have many different interests and goals. That has been helpful. If everyone has a different goal, it makes the relationships less competitive.

I wouldn’t tell you to change your friends, though. It isn’t that easy or realistic. However, it is narrowminded of them to think one college - or class of colleges - is going to fit everyone in the group perfectly. Anyone can apply to those colleges (even you, if you want to), but merely being a NMSF isn’t going to get them in. Your entire perspective may change in April/May when they stop talking about prestigious colleges they didn’t get into, and you find most of the group is headed to their match and safety schools.

I would largely ignore your friends when they’re talking about college. If you have to chime in, tell them you’re going to a UC so you can save money for grad school. Or tell them the program at the UC you’re targeting has just as good job placement outcomes as those at T20 colleges, and you can’t see spending more money if you don’t have to. If your goal is to be a lawyer or run for office some day, tell them you heard it is better to go to college in the state in which they want to practice or run for office.

Read “Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be” by Frank Bruni. It will take a good bit of the pressure off, and make you feel good about your choices.