How to help a grieving friend?

amdgmom
Fri, 04 Aug 2006 21:34:46 +0000

A dear friend died in a car accident 18 months ago, leaving a wife and then 14-year-old daughter.

Without question, the first 12 months were worse than the past six – anticipating, then experiencing Father’s Day, his birthday, their birthdays, holidays without him. And then the absolute worse – when something reminded them of him when they weren’t expecting it.

As a friend, I’d be mindful of the occasions once you get back to school that might be particularly difficult (obviously Parents Weekend), and just touch base. As time wears on, don’t be afraid to bring up her mom if you knew her at all. (Remember when she sent…, when we did…, or how she always…)

Don’t twist yourself in knots looking for the “perfect words.” My friend said an awkward, but sincere expression meant the world to her – it showed the person cared and was trying to help. I felt the same when my dad died.

Inappropriate humor ahead: I would shy away from another friend’s husband’s “consolence” when he found her crying over her great-aunt’s death. “At least you didn’t really like her very much.” And he’s usually such a sensitive guy.