How to stop my brother from crying...

moonchild
Fri, 08 Jan 2010 12:32:19 +0000

BCMan, you are a dear for caring so much for your little brother. I respectfully disagree that your parents aren’t the problem. I’m sure they are good people and mean well, but they have created an environment where one’s worth is equated with how much one achieves. Your little brother believes that in order to be worthy (loved), he must be constantly achieving (getting good grades), not just learning. If learning were enough, be wouldn’t be so stressed out about missing a few points.

I’m sure you realize that your brother is unhappy. Even though therapy is expensive, after raising two kids (one highly gifted), I believe that you really can’t afford NOT to provide him with a few visits to a qualified child psychiatrist or psychologist. They will also talk with your parents and help them understand ways of parenting your sensitive and gifted little brother, without blaming them or trying to change their cultural values.

Your brother isn’t you and may need a different kind of parenting than you needed.
Your parents are giving him a lot of attention, but it may be the “wrong” kind of attention for his temperament, focusing too much on achievement oriented goals.
He may not be crying now outwardly- after all, he’s been told it’s not going to be
tolerated in your family. Crying makes us uncomfortable, as we can’t ignore the distress that it signifies. But he’s still distressed.
Please encourage- no, insist- that he get professional counseling with someone trained in working with gifted children. Trust me when I say it can be life-changing, and life-saving.