How to Support Bullied Daughter

aj725
Sun, 16 Oct 2011 15:09:57 +0000

ITA with spideygirl. While this teacher is a disaster, it is not the same thing as an abusive spouse or even an abusive boss who can keep you trapped as you need to pay the rent. With bosses like this it’s all about being a leader but making them feel like you respect them and they have the final say. She should be getting final approval for EVERYTHING in writing. Before starting this, she should have a brief chat with the teacher as an olive branch, saying ‘there are a lot of deadlines coming up, and I’ll be sending you proposals on how to proceed, so we can be in total agreement up front.” She can then send (short – or else they won’t be read) emails saying, ‘if you agree, we will plan on going forward with interviews as per x schedule.” If she agrees, do it. If she doesn’t, ask her how to do it and do it her way, even if your D disagrees. And if she doesn’t respond, don’t do anything. Yes, she will come back and scream when nothing is done, but your D can say ‘I needed your final sign-off, which I never got.” Maybe some things won’t get done, but this is student government so it’s not like anything is that significant either.

Also, I’m not defending this nightmare teacher, but realistically, you don’t know how your D comes across at school. The way you’re describing it, she could have a bit of a smug attitude of – I’m the one who is doing all the work (she is), I could run circles around this teacher (probably true) etc. – and it is subtly coming out in front of the teacher. No one wants to see that, esp. not someone like this insecure teacher, so they will take every opportunity to bring her down a notch. In the teacher’s mind, your D has no idea what she is doing because if she did, then why did that event go so badly? Thus, to make this situation workable, I think your D needs to step back a bit, take others’ direction whether it’s good or not, and stop thinking that she is the only one who can get this all done (bc she obviously can’t – that type of event can’t be run by one person no matter who it is, she needs to learn to rely on others). If all else fails and this doesn’t get better in the next month or so, why not quit? Why exactly does she have to keep doing this – it isn’t like an abusive work situation because there most people can’t quit without another job bc they need to make the rent and put food on the table.