I am so embarrassed.

JustaMom5465
Sat, 14 Jul 2012 17:26:37 +0000

H underwent an emergency colectomy in April. He was in the hospital for a month. His recovery has been long, tedious, and filled with bump after bump, complication after complication. Add to that the fact that H is (was) an active, proud man, and the underlying GI problems came out of the blue. He is so miserable.

I am embarassed (as EK puts it) because not only do I feel so badly for HIM, but I am so sad for MYSELF. I am impatient, worried, and afraid of what the future holds for us. We “emptied our nest” last September and had so many plans. When can we get on with our lives? What will the future hold? Why did this happen? I know I should be satisfied that H is here with me, he is alive…but I’m finding it hard not to want more, to want our “normal” life back.

What right do I have to whine and feel sorry for MYSELF, when he is in so much discomfort? Who am I to complain, when it’s not MY body that is going through hell?