I feel confused.

soledad
Tue, 22 Sep 2009 13:05:36 +0000

I am a sophomore in college and I am completely lost.

I came here last Fall as a Biology major. Before the first week of classes was up, I got scared and dropped all my courses relating to the Biology major. I had intended on changing my major to English or something like that, but never got around to it. I was a Biology major that wasn’t taking Biology. The next semester I started taking Chemistry, Statistics, and Math so that I could get back on track for this year [the intro Biology class is only in the Fall]. I was excited that I was finally taking classes relating to my major.

This Fall, I enrolled in Freshman Biology and Chemistry. I was a year behind, but I figured I’d just take summer classes. By the second week, I already wanted out again. I had Calculus and understood very little of it. [I get it now, but nevermind.] My Biology class was boring me to bits. Luckily, I still liked my Chemistry lab. And so, I again considered changing my major. Again, I thought about changing it to English/Creative writing; but I feared the life of a starving artist, people looking down on me [especially my boyfriend, father, and grandmother], and losing my dream of becoming a Geneticist. [I’ve wanted to be a Geneticist on and off since I was about 10.] I got really close to making the change until I watched Gattaca [the movie that made me want to be a Geneticist] and had an extensive conversation about lab coats. I was hooked again and no longer wished to be an English major. [I did, however, decide to possibly minor in Creative Writing.] Really, I also just hated the English curriculum here.

But now, I’ve gotten the grades back from my first exams and I have found that I am not as stellar at science and math as I was in high school. [I got A’s in school, here I’m not exactly there.] I have a serious problem with failure and this just isn’t working for me. I am again second-guessing my decision to major in Biology. My class is still boring and I am not succeeding. I have no idea what to do. I am considering study abroad next year, but if I’m too far behind or not doing well, I’m wary of leaving the country to study. [I’d really like to get out of here in 4 years, I don’t particularly like this place.]

Again, I am lost. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. [And if anything didn’t make sense, just tell me.]