I think I'm a failure...

ADad
Mon, 25 Aug 2008 00:35:41 +0000

I told him I felt stupid for feeling this way several times and he did not say anything, so he must agree with me.



What alternative explanations might there be? For example, he might not have wanted to get into that substantive issue with you, particularly on your first appointment where the main goal was to figure out medication. He may be thinking of his role as simply providing and monitoring your medication; many psychiatrists see this as their main role nowadays. Also: someone, particularly a therapist, who does not provide reassurance may simply think that reassurance would not be helpful at that time.



I think she was trying to get rid of me by telling me to go to the clinic.



What alternative explanations might there be? You previously offered a quite reasonable one:



She feels that this place can provide me with everything I need.



Perhaps she really felt it would be good for you to have both a psychiatrist and a psychologist in the same clinic.

Is there evidence to choose one of these explanations (or some third one) over the other?

I can think of one way to find out: given that you are having trouble finding a suitable clinic, and given that you now have a seemingly reasonable psychiatrist, perhaps she would be able to meet with you regularly after all. Were you comfortable with her? Would you want to call her, tell her what has happened and ask if she would see you again, or offer you some advice on what to do next? You seemed to enjoy that one hour you had with her.



My Dad told me not to trust the school…I’m not sure if I can trust them either.



If you feel that you cannot trust the school, then imo it would make sense to see therapists who do not work for the school. It is extremely important that you feel that you can trust your therapists.



I’m not sure what to say to others.



It sounds like you are feeling frustrated and maybe a little helpless when thinking about conversation. I’m really impressed, though, at your detailed insight into your problems with conversation, and with your ability to articulate them in an objective, matter-of-fact way.

A lot of successful conversation arises from knowledge and application of skills. I believe that you can learn better conversational skills, social skills, just like you can learn other skills. Possibly this would be an area that you could work on with a psychologist, or another professional that a psychologist perhaps can help you find.

I am wondering whether some of what you described might be consistent with Asperger’s Syndrome; see especially “Social Interaction” at [Asperger syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](Asperger syndrome - Wikipedia). If what you read there seems like it fits you reasonably well, then perhaps discuss it with your psychologist when you have one.



I do feel that this is my actual personality



I’m not quite sure what you mean by this. Do you mean that you are feeling better, feeling happier, and thinking that this better-feeling, happier-feeling person is closer to the real you, closer to your actual personality?



The psychiatrist said that he will send a letter to the school after the next appointment.



This is intended to meet the school’s requirements as stated in their recent, rather harshly worded letter?



I can’t wait for classes to start.



It is heartwarming to read this, to hear the little buds of joy in your voice! :)