I think I'm a failure...

TA3021
Sat, 16 Aug 2008 19:05:48 +0000

Why don’t you call your insurance company and ask? That sounds like the best option at this point.



I called. They say everything will be covered if I take the semester off. I’m not sure if I want to though. If I don’t find a job soon, I’ll just go back to school.



I think you need to start applying for different sorts of jobs.



I like those suggestions. Filing music would be perfect if I could find it. As for physical labor, I’m probably no stronger than anyone else. It would still be a nice job and I always learned quickly with my hands. I wanted to build endorphins by exercising, but I always stopped after a few days; my lack of motivation usually stops me. As for a kitchen, there aren’t many things I know how to cook, they’re probably looking for people with experience, right?

I’ll remember to smile and greet everyone, but I’m always anxious about not looking genuine. I guess if people think I’m fake, that’s their problem…



I think that you need to sit down, and plan out your dream life.



My dreams are hazy now. I don’t like being unsure of myself. Uncertainty is weak and embarrassing to me. When I was in middle school I knew exactly what I wanted; I would graduate high school with honors and go to a highly ranked university, then I would become a lawyer or a very successful author. I would live in the city…
What the hell happened to all of this? I was even praised for being so ambitious and self-motivated years ago. Even if they did laugh at me, at least I had the comfort of being a success story someday.

Anyway, I wouldn’t mind joining clubs to form friendships. I was always afraid of loneliness within a crowd; I mean, I always left clubs in high school because I felt apart from everyone. It wouldn’t hurt to try again though.

Socially, I feel light years behind. I’ve never even had a relationship, let alone a kiss. Most girls’ social life revolve around this kind of stuff. I’m not completely left in the dark about topics like clothes and celebrities, but I can’t sustain the conversation long enough to hold anyone’s interest. I can’t even make friends with guys by talking about sports and gaming because I know even less about that.
Honestly, I don’t even have many interests. I like books and movies a lot. Looking up new things to learn about on the Internet. That’s it. I feel boring. I’m sure there are clubs about books or movies.



Earning money to move out of your house. I think a lot of your issues with your parents will be resolved when you assert your independence and move out.



I would love to do that. This year will be focused on trying to be as close to independent as possible. As Beef said, it’s not going to be easy.



just don’t expect everything to turn out exactly the way you want it to; life is full of surprises…



Hopefully, an unexpectedly pleasant surprise. Yes, I have issues with unpredictability and change is not easy for me. That’s part of my problem, things are so spontaneous and I’m so rigid.