I think I'm a failure...

TA3021
Sun, 24 Aug 2008 11:21:04 +0000

I’m glad to hear that you at least have been able to see a psychiatrist, even one previously known to you. Do you feel comfortable with him? How often will you see him?



I’m not sure how often I’ll see him, but I have an appointment next Thursday. It is just for him to see how the medication is affecting me. He seems nice and asked me about college and if I like it better than high school.
The only issues I had was that he found my problems bizarre. He must have thought I had demons because he asked me if I went to church and if I believed in God. I just told him that I had bad experiences with Catholic school and I have a distant relationship with God.
I told him that I felt stupid for feeling this way several times and he did not say anything, so he must agree with me.

The psychologist I saw outside of school suggested that I might have OCD. She asked if I had any routines to stop it and I said no. I think I misunderstood her because I don’t necessarily call what I do routines. They seem like tics more than anything. Thank goodness I’m too busy to think about the thoughts in public or I would look pretty stupid in front of everyone. I mean, I do stuff like yell, “Stop!”; hold my breath; hit my forehead or stamp my foot. I bet someone is laughing as they’re reading this and I would bet a good amount of money because I know it’s true.
The point I’m trying to make is why didn’t the psychiatrist think of that possibility? I can’t be the first person to come to him with that problem! Are my problems that rare?

BTW, I don’t think I could see that psychologist again. As right as her suggestion may be, I think she was trying to get rid of me by telling me to go to the clinic. She probably didn’t think finding one would have been such an ordeal either.



If you can’t find anything before school, perhaps a psychologist at your college counseling center could meet with you while you are waiting for clinic openings?



My Dad told me not to trust the school. He said that if I have a problem, talk to him or someone outside the school. I’m not sure if I can trust them either. I mean, what if they try to hospitalize me again? I was seriously mislead; they made it seem as if a doctor was going to ask a few questions, maybe fill a prescription and then I’ll leave in less than an hour, but no, they did this extensive checkup as if I’m going to die.

I expect that the school will want to talk to me. When they do, I’ll tell them everything is fine and not mention any little personal problems I may have.