I’ve been trying really hard but nothing is working

blossom
Fri, 04 Oct 2019 00:46:49 +0000

Big hug.

I promise you that you are not the most miserable kid on campus right now. You need to seek out someone who is even lonelier than you, or find a volunteer organization which services needy children in the community, or get a campus job where you’re interacting with other people- serving pancakes in the dining hall, manning the help desk at the library?

Your job right now is NOT to make friends! Your job is to go to class and study, AND to maintain some level of human contact with peers, professors, TA’s, even the staff people (have you thanked the security guard at your dorm today?)

Friendships take time. And they WILL come, but not in the first few months. You need to keep yourself talking and communicating and walking and going to therapy until you find your place. You will find it- don’t give up!

A cousin of mine had a rough start to college, until he walked past a room where a folk dancing class was going on (trust me- he was no dancer). He walked in-- and saw a bunch of the International students (many of whom were ten thousand miles away from home- talk about homesick!) and smelled the refreshments which they’d set out for after the class.

That was the beginning of some lifelong friendships, including a summer in Nepal, attending a wedding in Ethiopia, and some hilarious cultural misunderstandings when he’d bring his buddies home for breaks and vacations.

Trust me- there are students on campus feeling sad because their families live too far away to come for parents weekend. They can’t go home for Thanksgiving because the flights are too expensive for such a short break. They aren’t attending football games on weekends because in their countries, football is soccer and they don’t understand what a quarterback is and what the heck he’s doing.

And of course- lonely students who’d be happy to sit with you during lunch and dinner, who live in the area/state/region, and are just having trouble finding their peeps like you are.

Keep it up with your therapist. Big hugs.