I'm a student - I need some help...

bcarvings
Sun, 31 May 2009 21:36:46 +0000

nysmile - It wasn’t until beggining of 2008 that I started feeling depressed. My feelings of being “inferiory” or not smart enough stem from the fact that my parents and school placed high expectations on me and on how I would do on the SAT. When I came out bellow average, I vented out on here. But that and my more recent posts from 2008 are completely unrelated, and from two very different problems.

My teacher actually said “if you don’t pay attention now your going to come out with a bellow average score and come out looking like an idiot”. (I went to a private catholic school and most of the kids were pretty smart so I don’t think many people were ofended. I could give lots of examples of competition between me and my brother, and the lecutres from my parents, but if you saw from my point a view - scoring bellow average on the SAT was a big let down.

It was later that year by the end of 2007 that my parents told me that my dad had MSA a rare brain disease. Very quickly I saw my dead dieing. My dad worked till about the end of 2007. Before school many times he would pass out and I would jsut hear this big BANG and would find him on the ground unconscious. His eyes would be open, but he wouldn’t respond at all. Eventually my dad got worse and worse and soon he couldn’t work anymore. Eventually he stopped driving, stopped leaving the house, and for the last few months of his life couldn’t even walk.

But you know that wasn’t the worst part. His mind deteriorated. He often had seizures, ones that could have been prevented had I given him his medication faster. His blood pressure would decrease unexpectedly and I had to check on him a lot (really last few months I couldn’t leave the house much). And now that hes gone, my mom is not the same either. She is very irritable and not nice most of the time.

My brother is the same. This is one reason I’m mad at him. He wasn’t really affected. He even came out and said at easter “I don’t know why but I don’t really feel sad for dad, therse really nothing you can do about it do I don’t know why…” And then he stopped in the middle of his sentence. He realized what he was saying was wrong.

I’m going off on a tangent again. Well you want the truth why I won’t see a therapist? Here it is! I saw one a really really good one. I think shes a counseler. Anyway I had one hour talk with her, and she took all my info, phone numbers cell phones and everything. I cancled my next appointment because it was exam week and I needed to study. But I waited a week and she never called. Like she seems like a nice person (personally and professional). Like if the therapist was really concerned wouldn’t they call if they have all my contact info, and they have been notified that they can contact me.