I'm miserable in college, please help

failure622
Tue, 09 Sep 2014 03:21:54 +0000

Stomping your feet and running off to a new thread isn’t going to change the answers you’re getting.

You’re only looking for people who are “really deep, like talking about controversial topics, aren’t into social media, don’t conform, are eccentric, mature, etc.” You say you realize that deep relationships don’t form in a day, but that seems to be your only friendship criteria. Yes, most of the people you know are still basically strangers, or just starting to become friends. You’re not going to feel comfortable talking about your feelings with strangers, and people tend to avoid deep, controversial topics with people they don’t know.

It sounds like you’re ruling out anyone who’s not willing to jump right into deep conversations with you. Quite frankly, when you don’t know the people you’re talking with, it’s going to be small talk and a little bit shallow and trivial. That’s just the way things are. I would say choose different factors - don’t consider deep-ness or “mature” in your friendship hunt. Pick other qualities, maybe activities you like to do, a favorite game, whatever. I promise you’re not the only deep, mature person in your school. Chances are most of your neighbors are the same as you, it’s just not showing yet because they’re just as scared, trying to make friends, hanging out with whoever’s around, etc. Welcome to being a freshman, everyone scrambles around looking for new buddies at the start of the year, everyone’s afraid of ending up alone.

Once you get to know people, those deeper connections will open up. You know, you’ll actually be good friends, instead of just “friends”. And then it’s more natural to talk about your feelings with them, or have real conversations, or act a little more mature (college is the first time away from home for a lot of students, lots of freedom, a bit of crazy). Quite frankly, if I had known you for a week and you started off a conversation with “so how do you feel about religion?” I would probably shy away from the topic and think it was a little weird. If I actually knew you, I would be happy talking about whatever, it would be normal.

My advice would be to keep working at it. For now, be nice to those girls that want to be friends with you, include them, they’re clearly willing to friends with you. And keep looking for those magical “people like me”, maybe you’ll find someone you click with better, maybe not, but don’t rule people out when you’ve only just met. Clubs are a great starting point, since you’ll have something in common. Maybe find a debate team or something where harder topics are encouraged. In the mean-time, accept that social media is a thing for a little bit, keep in touch with your old friends, skype or facebook, whatever. Sure, it’s not the same as having close connections at your school, but it might help fill that void while you work on building new friendships.

It gets better… keep an open mind, and give it some time. :)