Is my essay good enough?

eCoachJen
Wed, 14 Nov 2012 19:05:37 +0000

Really sorry for the loss of your dad at such a young age. Here are my suggestions:

-What is your essay prompt? Without it, I can’t say if your essay answers the prompt.


I feel your passion for surfing. This can be the focus of your essay. What are 3 key things you love/learned from surfing? Share with admissions each of the three things through a personal story. Convey your story in such a way that admissions can feel the wave and thrill of the sport.
You can mention in paragraph 3 or 4 of your essay about how you find something positive from the tragedy of the death of your dad.


-Maybe in your conclusion you can talk specifically how you would apply the lessons learned in college and in life to make a difference.

-Remember, start with an attention grabbing line. For example, this line from your essay is an interesting starting sentence:
The power of the ocean always leaves me humbled.

Hope this helps. Good luck! : )