Is Self-Doubt Part of the Process?

Violinmomaz
Sat, 04 Aug 2018 00:11:23 +0000

Hello there. I am a little late to the party but I found this to be a very interesting topic. So I sat down with my D17 (violin) who is leaving for NEC in exactly 3 weeks and practicing right now for her last recital in town tomorrow night (and orchestral excerpts for orientation week) and I asked her about this.

How do you deal with self doubt?
“Haha I don’t!”

She told me that she doesn’t find self-doubt to be motivating. She said she is the least qualified person to comment on this as it has been very present for her, especially through the application and audition process.

Her motivation comes from wanting a “good product” and loving to perform. So no matter how she feels she knows in the back of her mind that she has to just do the work.

Something that helped her greatly was having 2 teachers in her life that gave her clear indication of her level and where she should be auditioning and what her goals could be. Her regular teacher always encouraged her to take lessons from anyone and everyone, visiting artists and a symphony colleague. She also heartily agreed to an arrangement where a retired conservatory professor gave her regular lessons via Skype. Together they guided her and gave her the input necessary to have the confidence to make her application choices to 3 top conservatories.

She still suffers self doubt when she is exposed to other great players her age. She said there’s no cure for it but it does help when you get the thing you want.

There were times she felt great about a performance and lost. Times she felt great and won. But she said she never felt bad about a performance and won. But she always learned from the many competitions and auditions she’s taken and truly loves performing solo and chamber and orchestral music.

There was a time right before her first audition where she kind of freaked out convinced that she didn’t belong in a conservatory and knew she would not make it. We talked for a long time but then I finally said, wait a minute. You’re not allowed to have this conversation yet. Everyone you’ve ever had a lesson with (more than just the 2 teachers - teachers at summer institutes, etc.) believes you are doing the exact right thing. So you can’t decide they are all wrong before you even TRY. If you go to all three schools on your list and they ALL reject you, then you can sit here on this couch and we can have this discussion. But not until then. That was hard but it seemed to make sense to her. She did get in to all 3 schools after all so we never had to have that conversation!

So yes a normal part of the process and sometimes a difficult thing to overcome. She said it seems like your daughter has the right attitude and poise to continue on and keep working. We wish you all the best! PM me if you have any questions.