Is this friendship toxic?

hannahbanana9811
Fri, 03 May 2019 03:28:01 +0000

I have a friend who I’ve known since my first year at college. I am graduating soon, and unfortunately last semester she made the decision to withdraw from school, mostly because she couldn’t decide on a major and felt as though she was wasting her time/money. Since then, the basis of our friendship has dramatically changed and I’m at a loss.

My school is about an hour away from where she lives, so she does visit every now and then, however the last few months she’s been doing something I don’t even have a label for.

We’ll make plans, have everything lined up, and then the day of (or, more accurately, an hour before), she’ll ask “Do I still come?” after not having brought up the plans for a week or so. Even though I’ve arranged for times, cleaned my apartment for her to stay, and planned out where we’ll eat, etc she’ll inevitably bail. However, recently she has been instigating fights alongside these broken plans.

Last night, she asked me if I would be attending a concert at a local bar, knowing very well that I had to take my boyfriend to get his wisdom teeth out, and was planning on caring for him. When I reminded her of this, she went on a rant about how horrible of a friend I am and telling me I would regret “ditching her for my boyfriend.” We didn’t have real plans for this concert, and this is the one singular time I’ve “bailed” on anyone for my boyfriend, and I hardly consider it bailing, since I had planned on caring for him (he did undergo a medical procedure after all). For 20-30 minutes, she told me to “go have fun with my boy” and that apparently she never mattered to me anyway.

I told her I’d go out for an hour or so, we made plans with our larger group of friends, and she pulled the whole bailing an hour before again. Even though during this same fight, she told me we never go out to see concerts anymore and I would regret it if I don’t go. Additionally, she was supposed to stay until Sunday because this weekend is a huge party weekend, and now she’s stated that she’s only going to come Saturday (though I’m anticipating her bailing again). It’s almost like she wants us to literally beg her to come out.

I know she will eventually tell me she feels as though she has no friends anymore, even though I consider this to be a direct result of her actions.

I don’t know what to do anymore. It is exhausting to go through a process of making plans, setting everything up, having her question whether she could come an hour before, and then eventually attacking me. I guess I’m just looking for some sage advice because frankly, I don’t have the energy to maintain this friendship anymore, yet I’d feel awful for deserting someone who is clearly struggling.