Live at home Freshman Year?

blossom
Mon, 20 Oct 2008 11:02:17 +0000

Depends on the kid. Depends on the college. Depends on the family.

We know situations where it has worked out great and some where it’s been awful. It only saves you money if your kid ends up four years later with a degree. If he gets derailed, flunks out because he’s spending time with the HS girlfriend who dropped out of her college and came home to watch TV and ‘hang’ then you haven’t done him much of a favor.

From what we’ve seen, the families who make a go of it are those who are ready to “let go”. Will your son spend every weekend on family activities just because he lives under your roof, i.e. babysitting for his nephews, attending the birthday brunch for grandma, driving younger siblings to sports activities? If so, the likelihood that he’ll be able to enjoy what the campus has to offer is pretty slim. Can he miss Thanksgiving if a friend from out of town invites him to spend the holidays with his family? Will he do his own laundry, make his own budget, etc?

Some of the ground rules we’ve seen which seem to facilitate a good transition are the following:
No keeping HS job. Must get a job on campus, doing research for a professor, working at the gym at college, etc. Good way to meet people, great way not to spend another four years being “Jim and Cathy’s kid who works at the diner”.
No fair having mom and dad bail you out. Car gets a flat- learn to change it, you can’t just swap with mom’s car and make it her problem. No clean laundry- you wear dirty. Run out of cash before payday- borrow $5 from a friend, no fair bumming $50 from younger sister’s birthday stash.
Plan for time out of town… exchange student at another college, student teaching somewhere else, habitat for humanity volunteer in another country. Got to test the boundaries.
Clear plan for who pays for what. We’ve seen kids who resent paying for books, activities fees, etc. out of their earnings since, 'I’m saving them thousands by living at home". Parents feel that the savings accrue to them… since they’re paying the mortgage, heat, electric, cable tv, etc. Get a grip early on so there aren’t feuds and tantrums down the road.

Clear communication, clear boundaries… can work for everyone. Messy boundaries, lots left unsaid… not so good.